Courtesy of Steve Thorson

“So you were a Sir before you were a boy?”, with his eyes looking down on me with some disdain.

“No, Sir, i was a collared boy at the same time.”, i responded in a matter of fact tone not being disrespectful, noticing his lip curling.

In a number of previous blog entries, I have mentioned my previous boys.  I’ve never hidden the fact that I do switch.  In fact, the first seminar I taught was on switching dynamics at TOKink 2006 – 5 years ago this past weekend, which is also the 5th anniversary of my slave collaring.  Switching has been an important part of my training as a Leatherman.

I have always been interested in not only becoming a better man than what I know, but I’ve always been interested in passing on what I have learned to others.  This is a big part of what we do in Leather and it honours those people I have learned from.

Seven years ago, prior to being collared by Master Chuck, I was primiarly a top and very rarely did I bottom – in fact I could count on one hand the number of times I had been fucked in the 9 years I had been out at the time, and never bottomed in a BDSM sense.

These days, seven years later, I crave bottoming and submitting to masculine men, and I acknowledge that I do have a top and dominant side of me as well.  I love topping and maybe less so, being dominant.  In a dom/sub sense, I would say I am 75% submissive and 25% dominant.  I would also say I am 50% bottom and 50% top.

For me it’s all about balance.  Being dominant for a brief time allows me to rebalance myself – and it doesn’t take a lot to satisfy that part of me. After topping then I drop into bottom space even deeper. Sir knows this and for that reason encourages my topping.

As time has gone on, the need to swing back and forth between being submissive and dominant has decreased.

I distinguish dom/sub ratios from bottom/top ratios because I see them as separate things.  As a boy, I don’t always bottom and I have been known to top.  It is such a turn on knowing that a Sir is being pleasured from me topping!  As a dominant, I’d probably find bottoming REALLY hot too, though it’s not something I’ve experienced, but hope to in the future.

It doesn’t happen often, but I love it when people look at me with disdain with varying degrees of attitude that somehow I’m less of a boy and even less of a budding Sir, but you know, it is also sad – they are missing so much in me.

Truth be known, I would rather be in service to someone who has spent time bottoming or as a submissive because they will understand me better as a submissive, and I understand them better as a dominant.  However, I also recognize and acknowledge that there are some phenomenal dominants out there that have not spent the time submitting to another.

With regards to the specific case I am thinking of, quite honestly, I found the Sir’s attitude rude and obnoxious.  He did not ask me whether it was part of my training, about my Sir’s philosophies, nor my own philosophies – and this would be the prefect opportunity for Him to learn something about me, Master Chuck, the family of which I am a part, and maybe an opportunity to learn about the Sir.  Instead, it felt like he had an agenda to make me feel less than I am because of his own importance.  Unfortunately, His loss.

Believe me, I’ve had this kind of discussion before with Sirs who were open to learning more about my Sir’s training and about my experiences who don’t understand switching, but I was never looked down on.

In a related but different experience, I was talking to one of my title brothers from a different region and he told me that he was getting flack for being a boy, helping to train a Daddy.  He is an experienced, dedicated boy; very much involved in his Leather community, highly respected in his region and a player.  Are people giving his Sir and Daddy the same attitude?

Truth be known, I know a number of slaves and boys who have boys of their own or co-dom a sub with their Master, Sir or Daddy.

After all it was Master Chuck’s first boy who was able to create the space for Sir to accept being called Sir.  It was Master Chuck’s first slave who was able to create the space for Sir to accept being called Master.  You cannot deny that experienced and even inexperienced submissives contribute to the growth of their dominants and are all part of a good Dom’s continuing growth.

Who made these people the authority on what a Daddy, Sir or Master does with their boy?  History has shown there wasn’t one way of doing things and not everyone did things the same way.

I am aware that in previous Leather generations, submissives were submissives, dominants were dominants, and switches were not taken seriously because you “never knew what you were taking home and if you would be flipped”.  Oh the shock and horror!

I do hold dear working one’s way up from the bottom to the top.   In my relationship with Master Chuck, I have no intention on dominating Him, I never try to dominate Him, and I am always submissive to Him.  That is how the relationship is defined and anything else would not be honourable to what we have built up – although I can be strong willed and that does get me in trouble.

Master Chuck encourages all of His boys to take on subs of their own, which Sir also finds it hot – watching His leather DNA being used in new ways.

So what about the boys?  I’ve had four with very different life experiences, different ages and while they’ve been in my life for a short period of time, each of them has had a major impact on me and I know I’ve had an impact on their life:

• From creating a space where a cub could experience masculinity in a non-threatening environment,
• to kickstarting a boy into personal growth,
• to giving an older man the chance to increase his sexual confidence,
• showing a boy that he really needed to be in a relationship and to stop playing a humble match maker.

Each has discovered a part of their true nature.

Doming and topping is not easy work.  It can be demanding, exhausting and even emotionally taxing, but it has all been worth it.  I am proud of my former boys and I love all of them unconditionally.

Being someone’s boy has never taken away from my boy’s experience with me as their Sir.  Me being their Sir has never taken away from my service to Master Chuck.  It has always enhanced the interactions just as it enhances my role as Eastern Canada Leatherboy – especially given I understand, to a certain degree, the experience of the dominant.

My community has even recognized this through my Mama’s Family title – Mama’s Canadian Boy Sir – something I am intensely proud of.

Last year, I decided to take a break from taking on any further boys, as I wanted to concentrate on being in service to Master Chuck. I felt my time as Master Chuck’s slave was slowly coming to a close, but not my submission to Him as a boy and I needed to concentrate on U/us.  After all, how can I serve to build others and our community if I don’t work on myself?

I am also learning to shift my focus from Leather philosophy and personal growth to play – Sir has always encouraged both and I do have a fair bit of play experience.  Both are important to me, and it’s easy for me to get caught up in Leather philosophy and writings.

Who knows what is in store for me, for the future.  At this point in my life, I am very content and I enjoy being Master Chuck’s boy and concentrating on that relationship.  This is what I need and want for now.  It is something I will cherish for life.

As they say… contentment is when what we say, do and feel are all in sync.