Yesterday evening, Master Scott, slave-pup Kalen and I made our way out to Milton to attend a munch put on by a friend of mine.  This munch has been very successful – surprising for a town of what was 36,000 through most of the 80s and 90s, which is now closer to 100,000.  It shouldn’t surprise me but it is also, in many respects, the perfect place for a munch because you get people from Toronto (such as me), Hamilton, Halton Region and even as far as London, ON attending.  Quite the cross roads.

This friend of mine is mostly straight, and probably heteroflexible, if we were to put him into a box of labels.  He’s also grown up in Leather, mostly in the gay community in that Scott and I have been a significant part of his journey.

We got talking about his journey of self discovery, learning to accept himself as a Kinkster and Leatherman, how he is integrating himself within the pansexual community, and creating a space for others.

And you know, hats off to him for creating that space and for giving himself the space to figure himself out.  He now knows what it’s like to come out of the closet.  He might not be gay, but he is going through the same motions that any of us do who come to terms with not being conventional, not fitting a norm; and all the trials, tribulations and reward that come with it.

He said that one of the questions he asked himself at one point was, “How do I do straight Leather?  All of my examples have been from the gay Leather community.”

I smiled at this because we all go through trying to figure out our identities and how we fit into this wide-ranging community.

I know I’ve often wondered, “How do I fit into gay Leather community?”, “What is gay Leather?”, “What if I’m not a masochist?  Does that make me any less of a Leatherman and less value as a submissive?”, “What if I’m not a sadist?  Does that make me any less of a Leatherman?”

As my friend said, the Gay Leather community is the leader and the Pansexual Leather community is like the wild west – and that’s not a bad thing.  It’s like a parallel universe.

And he’s right.  On my fridge I have two magnets from an event in Winnipeg given to me by my favorite sub in Winnipeg, mutt.  One is of two women mostly naked in a fun provocative position; and the other is of mutt in a dog house looking like a very hot dog that he is.

The imagery that appeals to me is the pic of mutt.  The women, *shrugs* I’m so not into feminine things so it appeals less.

At one level, by our very nature, pan is going to be different from gay Leather.  Gay male Leather is about the masculinity of man on man action whether it’s about the sadomasochism, pig sex, gear or service aspects of what we do.

Pan adds a feminine dimension that will never be a part of the gay Leather scene.

I would love to add anecdotes about the Leather Dyke/Women/Lesbian community but I’ve had very limited exposure to that part of our greater community.  What I can say is, holy shit they play rough and hard. *GRIN* I can say that it’s different – similar, yet different in it’s own special way.

BUT, ultimately the tools and how we use them are the same, are they not?

No matter what part of the community you’re in – you have to follow your heart and be true to yourself.

I am one for both combined spaces and separate spaces.  I like the fact that there are men-only play spaces, women-only play spaces, and places where we can get together and have a ball.

And I also know that the pan community is HUNGRY for seeing guy on guy action.  They want to know how guys play, they want to learn from us guys.  In return, I think they have some things to share with us.

After all, the only person to break a paddle on my ass, to date, was a woman.  The standing ovation and clapping from the Fet Photo party was quite something. *GRIN*