From April 2021, originally published on FetLife

A few months ago, Scott and I bought a house. It was mainly due to needing more space, but there was definitely an element of COVID safety in our decision as well – having lived in a condo building where people won’t wear their masks properly.

My boy moved into our house, into the basement. It’s fully his space, save for my “Synth Cave” which is my office, studio and maker space all in one.

It’s been an interesting ride since November when we all moved in, lots of change, learning more about each other, some ups and downs. It’s been good for all of us for personal growth, deeper dominance and submission.

I was recently asked by my boy, of four years, for a more permanent collar. I never thought I would ever hear this request from anyone, ever.

It was somewhat perfect timing because I’ve wanted to take things to the next level with him, and I had started taking things in that direction through our discussions, readings and such to see where we both wanted to go. If you’re wanting to give more control to me, then put your servitude where you mouth is.

I admit, I was surprised at the request. but it shows the level of commitment and devotion the boy has. As a dom, this is the most serious D/s relationship I’ve been in. That relationship that snuck up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I pick you, Pikachu”! Okay, maybe not the right analogy.

The past two years since 2019 has been a journey in finding myself on the dominant side of things, slowly taking my relationship with my boy to the next level, taking on a pup long distance, becoming more at ease with Fetish and my interests.

I wrote some notes when I asked the boy, “What does this collar mean to you?”, and I thought I should do the same thing.

A collar on a sub can represent many things from family connection, to connection (such as Master Chuck’s collar I wear that states “under the guidance of”), to ownership (as I once was to Master Chuck as slave – his property).

A collar signifies commitment on many levels, on both sides – the boy showing his commitment to his Sir to learn and grow in his sub space; Sir to boy that he will not intentionally harm the boy, lead him to grow, but also to learn and grow in dom space.

A permanent collar is not unlike a wedding ring – I admit, I’m using Master Chuck’s words here, but it’s true in this case. It does signify a deeper connection and willingness to defer to Sir. You’ve attained such connection and importance in Sir’s life.

We have gotten to a point where there is good communication (even when it’s challenging), we have made commitments to each other, and even when there is a failure, we both look at it as a growth opportunity.

While the Dom may be in control, ultimately the sub lets the Dom work their magic through the sub’s surrender. his willingness to surrender to my will, his willingness to trust me, his willingness to give control to me aspects of his life that we agree to. The yin and yang that through that “imbalance” creates balance.

he completes a part of me just as my partner, my pup, and Sir do; just as his partner, his boy, his Dad and I do.

As we’ve talked and negotiated the collar, there’s been a distinct shift from how we used to interact to how we now interact.

To use the boy’s own works, “Makes it feel more permanent instead of part time”, and “Will bring more structure” – Which is something my boy craves and needs.