The Pantheon of Leather awards were announced today in The Leather Journal. I believe the printed newspaper was released July 30th or 31st, and the online edition was updated today.
As posted on Facebook, I am completely floored, honoured and humbled to get the news that I have been awarded the Pantheon of Leather Canadian Award. There have been so many people behind me and I thank them. This award is for all of you and the role you played in my life!
Even up until yesterday, I was saying to people, “There’s no way in hell I’m going to win that award.” There were some significant names on the list of nominees this year, and a significant number of names on that list as past winners. There are so many people that I know who should be recognized for their community involvement and I hope to see their names on the list.
As I said there have been so many people behind me who have pushed me along in my leather life, internationally, who have helped me to grow as a man and I was reflecting on this after a chat I had on Sunday night in San Francisco with a Master I highly respect, and on the way home from San Francisco on Monday.
I know I’m going to forget names in this list – I apologize, mea culpa, but here we go: My partner Scott, Master Chuck and Thug Rocco, Master Chuck’s family, Brandon and Dan (Producers of Eastern Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy), Brad Hill, Dan Perry, Master Tony, Daddy David, David Coburn, Matt Pavelich, Chris Holmgren, Duncan MacLachlan, Master Peter Kinchloe and cub, Sir Marc, Connor, Dwayne Bryk, Ian, boys matt, marc, & al; Steve, Matt, Justin, Chaz, Dart, Victoria Windsor, The Rochester Rams, Spearhead, The Ottawa Knights, Bear Hug UK, The Black Eagle staff… and so many more.
Years ago when I was a very very young Leatherman, I admit to having looked at Pantheon with somewhat of a cynical eye and skepticism, much like what my attitude used to be towards titleholders.
While it may be easier to sit there and be cynical, I decided to step up to the plate and step out of my comfort zone within the community. I am always one to try and do my best and even when that may not be the popular decision. I do my best to remain humble and not let my ego get the best of me.
Most importantly, yes I was very tired and drained after my title year, there were some things that I saw in our broader community that could have lead me to completely walk away from being an active part of our community, I chose to stick around and look beyond the issues and see how I can apply myself for the greater good. I did take a necessary break and unfortunately work has not allowed me to spend as much time as I would like with my local community. I am not going away, and you have not heard the last of me. *GRIN*
It is important to recognize your community and your peers. We have some amazing people in our community who go out of their way to volunteer and be active in many different way. Please do what you can to recognize those individuals at the local level, such as through a community builder award; or even at an international level with a Pantheon.
With much gratitude to my community and in service – Thank You!
Congratulations to all of the nominees and those who are being recognized with a Pantheon!
Tomorrow starts the long commute to one of the best Leather events that you will find in the US. The combination of International LeatherSIR/Leatherboy/International Community Bootblack and Dore Alley.
It’s a big travel day for the contestants taking part in this fun contest – everyone descending on San Francisco, the Holiday Inn Golden Gateway Hotel – once again, kinked up; and the frolicking in SoMA.
Other than Sir Alan and Pup Nitro whose job this year was to promote kink and Leather and judge the various contests – Master Chuck and i have been honoured to be part of that journey – with Sir and me having judged both the Eastern and Western Canada competitions; and me being invited to judge Michigan LeatherSIR/Leatherboy leading boy jim to win Great Lakes Leatherboy.
So good luck to:
Boss Rocco – Eastern Canada LeatherSIR 2012
Sir Marc – Western Canada LeatherSIR 2012
Sir Josh – Great Lakes LeatherSIR 2012
boy alex – Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2012
boy daniel – Western Canada Leatherboy 2012
boy jim – Great Lakes Leatherboy 2012
Boss Rocco – ECLS 2012
boy alex – ECLb 2012
Sir Marc and boy Daniel – WCSLb
The Great Lakes Leather Family
And a special shout out to Gabriel – Great Lakes Bootblack 2012. If I recall correctly my boots were among the first he ever licked when we first met in Kentucky several years ago.
To those of you, whom I have not yet met – good luck to all of you. To each of you I dedicate this video from the latest Pet Shop Boys single, “Winner”. This really is a moment you will remember for the rest of your lives.
Most importantly – have fun!
I will see all of you starting Friday when I arrive in San Francisco.
To Sir Alan and pup nitro – it has been awesome to briefly travel with You to the frigid temperatures of Calgary, and seeing You briefly as i spent time in Atlanta for work. Thank You all for all You have done – Your camaraderie, and promotion of hot Leathersex and kink. i cannot think of another couple who could have done a better job of representing us all, and what we stand for. Thank You for Your inspiration!
This is probably going to be one of the more important blog entries that I will ever write, and I hope that many of my readers and even those who just pass through will stop, pause, think and get something out of this.
As some of you may have learned – the kink scene in Toronto, Ontario, Canada and I’m going to even say the world, has lost someone who I feel was an important contributor to the world of rubber and kink however you identify.
Matt of Kink Engineering was, I think, an amazing man in our community. Sadly, at the age of 35, he passed away accidently doing what he loved – his passion for kink and rubber in his amazingly geeky way. This is a man who loved what he did and chose to make a life out of it all.
To Archean and the Kink Engineering staff I send much love to all of you. I can’t even begin to understand the senselessness of the situation.
I met Matt and Archean through KinkDan and had a chance to visit their studio twice. What an amazing rubber-geek heaven. Matt was so passionate about what he did, combining engineering, science and kink. It got me thinking that, “Wow, here is a couple who is not only loving life, but doing what they wanted. Scared given that they were starting to make a living off of Kink Engineering, but you’ve gotta give it your best shot.” Just wow.
Matt and Archean also were presenting at the Festival Kinky de Montréal when I presented a CBT seminar, and I am very much smiling over having been put in the famous H. Kitty vac bed they had. I loved how passionate they were for their kink, and giving people experiences to give it a shot. Always appreciated and infections. That helped when I was at a low time in my own kink life. Thank you for bringing some light to me at that time.
I wish we could have interacted more and I appreciate everything you have done for rubber, kink and the general community. You will be sadly missed Matt.
Hats of to Kink Engineering for being up front and brutally honest about what happened. While some may criticize, I think you have done a good service to the community – muchos kudos a todos!
Along with Kink Engineering, I am choosing to link to the note that KE posted on their blog because I think it’s important that people know the dangers of experimenting by yourself when it involves breath play, asphyxiation, tying stuff around your neck.
To be clear – I have no idea if Matt was in a solo play situation or testing new equipment for play. It sounds like the latter. Either way, hats off to Matt for doing what he loved – and I don’t mean that to take away from the gravity of the situation nor show disrespect to Matt.
I am going to use two key quotes from the blog entry that I think are vital for people to understand. The second is much later in this post, but the first I will use talked about the biological reactions that happen when the throat is constricted too tight – to quote:
The baro receptors in his internal carotid arteries signaled to his body that his blood pressure was dangerously high, and this sent off a vagal response to slow the heart. Since the signal of high blood pressure could not be relieved, Matt lost consciousness and the vagal response caused his heart to stop completely.
It is vital to understand the mechanics of the body.
For the remainder of this blog entry, I want to address the importance of safety when constricting the neck. I am not going to cover the ‘hows’, while I have been involved in scenes as a bottom, I do not feel qualified to talk about the ‘hows’ and I know I could use more information. I am fortunate for the education I already have received over the years in this play, so that I can play that much safer and still have a hot time.
I love breath play.
I know I have some majorly deep fantasies about breath play.
There’s nothing like feeling someone else’s arm around my throat as they’re on top of me, fucking me deep, knowing they’re in control, feeling their arm hairs and a cock spasming in me as Sir cums, my cock rock hard as I blow my load, spewing string of cum after string of cum, who knows how violently out of my cock.
Something around my throat to hold me down in a gangster scene. I’ve been there and it’s fucking hot and scary at the same time.
Feeling the gasket of a rubber vac bed, feeling that tightness around my neck and body as the vacuum sucks down and holds me in place.
Holding my breath in some way when jacking off.
Hell, I’d love to experience being KOed while being fucked and coming through with someone relentlessly fucking my ass in a sling.
I’ve also been KOed unintentionally, in a scene with someone because I relaxed so much. While it was hot for both of us, I also know it was also potentially scary if for any reason I did not come through. I also remember the “funky chicken” as I shook when coming through and the slight disorientation not realizing what happened.
Some of these are not practical but it’s hot to fantasize about it and why shouldn’t we be able to fantasize about these kinds of things?
We all know that we shouldn’t do it alone and while it may be hot to put that tourniquet, rope, whatever tool around our throats alone when we jack off – it’s not safe. We’ve lost too many people in this world that way.
Please, please, please do let someone know what you’re doing so you can be monitored to make sure you are safe. Even if you’re experienced as Matt was, just let someone know or have them participate. If you’re trying something new or experimenting, talk it through with someone and have someone there. If you can, eroticize having that second person, go for it!
Please do get training if you are interested in learning about how to safely do breath control play or if you’re a bottom and want to understand safety and body reactions. For example the trachea could be crushed in a scene gone wrong.
People are doing it, out there, right now. This is why we need to be able to talk about advanced play scenes – 300 and 400 level play if you will. Someone has to be able to teach it and there has to be an avenue for this kind of education. To the people that say there is too much risk in teaching such classes, I think there is too much risk in not disseminating the education.
If you’re cocky, and not saying Matt was, but that’s even more of an alarm to get a refresher. You could have all the safety equipment in the world – but to quote the KE blog:
Had there been a person to assist outside the vac bed, they would have been able to get him out at the first sign of trouble or non-responsiveness. All Matt’s safety contingency plans relied on him still being conscious enough to implement them, and thus, they were useless.
I step off my soapbox.
I don’t know if this is an appropriate song or not… it just feels right.
During CLAW this past weekend, I had a chance to sit in on a number of sessions related to the philosophy of D/s relationships including Sir/boy and Master/slave dynamics.
In short, I wrote the following on Facebook reflecting on my time at CLAW: “Some people really don’t get Master/slave relations at all. It’s not about breaking down, it’s about building up.”
There is considerably more on my mind about Master/salve dynamics that I get the impression that people simply just don’t get it.
I am writing from the perspective of having spent time as a slave for four out of the eight years of the relationship I have with Master Chuck.
Let’s address my comment on Facebook. The Master/slave dynamic, just like the Sir/boy dynamic, is about building someone up to be the best person they are, to create value in the person and to inspire confidence. It’s not about tearing someone down and creating clones of either yourself or the perfect man. It’s not about breaking someone – per se. If there is a bad behaviour going on, you obviously want to take control of that and get it turned around. That said, if you see someone blossoming as they serve you, why would you try to tear that down?
A question came up during the weekend, and I am sure it came up several times, between what is the difference between a boy and a slave? This is somewhat of a loaded question because what may look like Sir/boy to me, may be defined as Master/slave; and potentially vice versa – what looks like Master/slave to me, may actually be defined as Sir/boy – and I can think of several examples within the Sir/boy and Master/slave communities where this applies.
For me, what defines the difference between boy and slave is the level of deference and servitude given to the dominant. It’s not about losing my identity and completely changing everything about myself to match being the perfect submissive for my Master. If we were all clones of each other, that would be pretty boring.
As a boy, there are certain freedoms that I have that I normally would not have as a slave – and being the type of boy (and even as slave), I would often test and sometimes cross the lines of those boundaries in appropriately, and it was dealt with. That said, there are always consequences to actions and what may get a boy into a lighter level of trouble, may get a slave in to a deeper level of trouble. The key thing is, the relationship is defined between Master and slave, and typically with a contract – which provides and ensures clarity on the expected behaviours.
I have a further concern about submissives not being heard within the various seminars as observed by my own experiences, and the experiences of others at CLAW, and specifically the potential opinions of slaves being dismissed. To be clear, I am not criticizing CLAW, I’m using CLAW as the example because it is the most recent event I attended. Incidentally, as a side note, CLAW rocked this year – please do consider attending next year
W/we – as a community; W/we – as people who are hungry for information about “how to do” D/s and Master/slave; WE ARE MISSING 50% of the information from some of the wisest people in Master/slave dynamics – the slaves themselves – who often know just as much about relationship dynamics as their dominant counterparts, especially those who have been in D/s relationships for a long time. I know this is a deep a concern for my partner’s Alpha Slave.
One of the biggest helpers on my journey to becoming Master Chuck’s slave six years ago was reading Jack Rinella’s “Becoming a slave”, and hearing the various anecdotes of Jack’s slave, Patrick. It helped to shape an aspect of who I was as a slave, and who I am as a boy. It also allowed for not only a top-down approach to my training but also a bottom-up approach if you will, creating a well-rounded healthy approach to voluntary servitude – which is really what the Master/slave dynamic really is – anyone can walk away at any time. Without Patrick’s perspective, I would only have the dominant’s perspective.
I am concerned about the Master who, reportedly, said that he didn’t need to apologize to his slave. I can guarantee you that if Master Chuck did not apologize for mistakes He has made at times that I would no longer be His submissive – just as if I did not take responsibility for my actions when I have stepped out of line, I would no longer be His submissive. I recognize that Master Chuck is human as am I, and as such, it is human nature to err.
I sure hope that the slave that did speak their mind when asked, saying that they would appreciate hearing the occasional apology from their Master, was not chastised (emotionally, mentally or physical) but appreciated otherwise we are talking about emotional, mental and potentially physical abuse – and that is not something our community takes lightly. Instead, I hope it brought Master and slave closer together and has tightened a potentially beautiful bond.
If I were a first time attendee at an event where, as a submissive, I was considering putting together some form of presentation for a future year, based on some of the observations I have made, along with others within my Leather family, I would be questioning it. Thankfully, I have had other experiences where seminars I have presented have been well attended, despite being a submissive – which, I know, early on was actually a concern for me.
Over the past two years of attending CLAW, I have noticed that seminars that are oriented towards covering D/s relationships tend to be organized by dominants:
Sirs and boys created by Sir John Krikorian – 2010 and 2011
Transition from BDSM to Master/slave by Master Taino – 2010 and 2011
boys in the Leather Community by Jim Raymond – 2010
No disrespect meant to those showing leadership by putting together these seminars because we need to discuss these topics. That said, I would love to challenge my submissive brothers and sisters – however you may identify – slave, boy, pup, cub, etc… to step up to the plate and put together a series of seminars focused on the submissive side of relationships, but open to everyone. Specifically, I would love to see a seminar on “The slave’s perspective on M/s relationships.”
I would also love to see a new generation step up to the plate to talk about these topics. Again, no disrespect towards those who have educating us for years, but I cannot help but wonder if we need to hear a new set of voices sharing themselves and their experiences, and I think some of those who have been educating us, might love a chance to sit back and see some of the fruits of their labour of love.
So those are my insights and thoughts. While I may no longer be in a Master/slave dynamic, I am still passionate about ensuring people understand what the M/s dynamic actually is and what it is not. It is a beautiful dynamic.
I’ve been thinking for a long time about heavy scene play and how we process those scenes. I know some guys go into scenes with some degree of bravado to see how much they can take. Others go into the scene to transcend. Others might go into the scene with a sense of service to be used by their dom.
A few months ago, I had the opportunity to be flogged by Master Tony (International LeatherSIR 2009) at one of the Rough House parties at Steamworks. It had been some time since I had a good flogging and I really needed it.
Over the course of the time W/we played, Master Tony beat my nuts, spanked my ass, and flogged my back. It felt great and I liked the energy created between U/us.
The reaction from the onlookers was, for me, an interesting part of the full experience. See, I’m one of those guys who loves to cry in a good scene. There is nothing like feeling a flogger on my back, feeling that build up to transcending and letting it all out. You could almost call it devine.
Seeing a 6ft3, 275lb man tearing up and crying – it either does two things; evokes within you the desire to see that man cry even more (if you’re a sadist) or you want to run away because seeing a grown man cry evokes uncomfortable emotions that you don’t know how to process. The latter is how most of the guys watching the scene at Steamworks reacted – they bolted.
I can appreciate that. I’ve seen a few grown men cry in my life, and I can appreciate how uncomfortable it can be. On the flip side, tears are something to be expected, depending on the person we may be playing with and the type of scene, in what we do as Leathermen. It all depends on context.
In a heavy scene like that I can go down one of two paths. You can hear me yell out my famous and loud, “Fuck you!”; or I cry with a big smile on my face.
I have to admit, when I go into the headspace of “Fuck you!”, the scene is not really all that satisfying for me. It actually takes me down a bit of a dark path from a previous time in my life. Not that I don’t want to remember, but I’ve changed so much from that period, it’s just not a place I wish to visit again. It’s not a positive headspace for me. Not that it couldn’t be a good place for someone else – I respect that and I know it can be pretty hot seeing some grunting and swearing their head off.
Crying just feels so much better to me. It’s releasing the stresses I’ve had over a period of time. During the scene, for me, it was cleansing and it was a great release, very cathartic. I certainly was not being harmed, I was there on my own accord, and I truly enjoyed the scene. Anyone who saw me after would have seen me bouncing down the hall way with a big ass grin and a smile on my face. For me, watching this happen to someone else can be just as hot as the hard grunting and swearing.
Imagine being bound to a cross, being hit with a range of paddles – begging, “Keep on going, keep going, I’m almost there”, and getting a standing ovation at a play party as you start bawling your eyes out and the paddle breaking on your ass. This is among one of my proudest moments as a boy.
Expressing emotions is very important to me. As men (and this also happens to women), we’re often taught to repress our true feelings. I encourage anyone to step beyond their comfort zone and get in touch with their inner emotions, to learn to be comfortable with them.
Firstly, I’d like to thank all the dead people who helped me to practice
my speech for the International LeatherSIR/Leatherboy competition in San Francisco. boy ian, Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2010 and International Leatherboy 2010 invited me over to his work – a funeral home – to practice my speech. Thanks!
Thank You to Master Chuck for being not only my Sir of 8 years but also
TitleSIR for the past year, and for putting up with me.
Brandon and Dan – thank you for being who you are within the community and for your work on ECLSb, Rough House and for being the best producers of any LeatherSIR/Leatherboy competition.
To my partner Master Scott, who dealt with the long periods of me being
away as I traveled not only with the title but often with a work trip
taking place just before or after a title trip.
To my brothers in Master Chuck’s Leather Family who stood by us, thank you for listening to me gripe about things I was seeing in my travels however there are three individuals who I want to specifically recognize and I’d like you to come up to the stage when I call your name
slave Eric, for everything that he does to help keep Sir organized which benefits all of us and has done for many years.
my former boy matt, North American Bootblack 2008, for looking after Sir’s Leathers, for being a guide as I looked after my own Leathers, and for putting us up during O/our first trip
Sir David for helping Sir and I be prepared at CLAW and Mr. Leather Ottawa. We could not have survived those weekends without Your assistance Sir
slave Joe for helping Sir and I during ILSb and Western Canada LeatherSIR, and even this weekend – and also for being one of my mentors.
Now let’s talk about the year –
Firstly, the titleholder curse did make an appearance – as a boy I have done more topping this year at play parties than I have bottoming. That said, I’m not complaining and I’m not going to say that this needs to change – after all, why shouldn’t boys top and why should subs receive all the pleasure? *GRIN* There’s nothing hotter than being ordered to top.
There were new lows (259lbs – first time in 15 years) and highs (282lbs)
I never thought I’d ever be tied up with people trying to bat a ball at my nuts, which happened at CLAW.
Who knew that all eyes would be on Sir and me as Sir kicked and stomped me at ILSb as I yelled, “FUCK YOU!”. As Dan tweeted – “His voice said fuck you, his eyes say more please Sir”.
Most importantly I’ve been able to branch out and explore new kinds of play
More bondage!
Rubber sleep sacks
Edging and straight jackets
Electro!
I have become much more of a boot man and boy, and have an appreciation for all kinds of boots.
We travelled a lot – together and separate
Sudbury
North Bay
Detroit
Erie
Cleveland
Ottawa
Chicago
Calgary
San Francisco
Portland among the other destinations I hit for work and personal reasons.
We did a lot
Judged MI LSb
Attended CLAW and assisted with their fundraisers
Co-hosted Kink in the City – A fundraiser for Toronto PWA Foundation
Crude Weekend – Kicked up The Point
Toroto Pride – And showed Toronto what Leather was all about – and they lapped it up. Kudos to Reuters!
Toronto Leather Pride – Saw one of the largest attendances of any seminar
Tease – Where we showed who we are to the pan community, eager to learn
M Cuir Ottawa/Mr Leather Ottawa- Paying homage to my old stomping grounds
American Brother Hood Weekend – Putting a Canadian face to Leather
Judging Western Canada LeatherSIR/boy and promoting Canadian unity and brotherhood
And somewhere in there was a small contest called International
LeatherSir/boy where people seem to have completely forgotten the concept of cowboy movies. *GRIN*
Most importantly I re-found my voice in teaching in our community and I appreciate Master Chuck standing by me during the seminars that we presented.
This has been the year of great personal growth, fun, good thinking and
some interesting play.
If there is one piece of advice I have to our new titleholders, is be who
you are and don’t pander to someone else’s image. Not only do we have our own Canadian-way of ‘doing’ Leather which is recognized – the number of times people from the US commented on how relaxed we are with our community protocols was astounding. *GRIN*
As I come to a close, I want to point out – we’re not going away:
There are still many kinky folk out there hungry for information and for hot play
This is a title circuit I still believe in
Kink in the City 2 is coming up on July 14th
Revenge of the Subs is coming in March (MUHUHUHU!)
And I am involved with So You Want To Be Kinky
Thank you all for your support over the past year. That’s it.
Here are some great blogs from other members of Master Chuck’s family. Despite sharing the commonality of Master Chuck, regardless of being sub or dom, we have our own experiences and thoughts on various topics.
One of the fears many of subs have is losing their dominant, and many dominants have a similar fear of losing a sub. If you’re not thinking about it, maybe it is something you should consider.
How do you bring closure to your relationship?
How do you move on?
Do you have family or friends you can rely on to give you the support you need?
Do you have the basics to live – a job, savings, etc…?
There was an article, recently, about Toronto being the most hated city in Canada. Well, I’ve got a big beef to pick with the media. The anti-Toronto rhetoric has got to stop. Period. It’s ridiculous.
You’re probably going to ask, what does this have to do with Leather?
Over the past week, Sir and I have travelled to both Ottawa, Ontario and Calgary, Alberta for Mr. Leather/M. Cuir Ottawa and Western Canada LeatherSIR/Leather boy.
At both events, we each received a fair bit of anti-Toronto rhetoric relating to Toronto being the centre of the Leather universe in Canada.
What kind of ridiculous crap is this?
Case 1: In the first case, I was talking to a Leatherman about running for either Eastern Canada Leatherboy (as I know him as a boy although he is taking on subs) or even as LeatherSIR when he is ready. His response to me was that it was a Toronto title and that there was no interest in having others from outside of Toronto.
Pardon me? With the current Sir from Sudbury, a previous boy from Hamilton and another previous boy, I believe, from Montreal this is a Toronto-centric title? I believe the title is called “Eastern Canada” because it encompasses the whole region from Ontario eastward including the provinces of Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island and the province of Newfoundland & Labrador.
Now that said, in our title year, Sir and I have only been able to travel between Toronto, Hamilton, Ottawa, Sudbury and North Bay – but I know we would love to help spread the word to Quebec, and we have made some new contacts there. I’ve fantasized about about seeing if we can do some form of bath house night at Sea Dogs in Halifax (Rough House @ Sea Dogs, anyone?).
Admittedly, beyond Halfax, we’re not aware of Leathermen in New Brunswick, PEI or Newfoundland. Despite being a Newfoundlander myself, unfortunately I’m not connected in the gay scene in Newfoundland as it’s been 13 years since I’ve been back to The Rock. I have done a bit of poking and prodding online without much success.
So – despite the fact that our step-down is in February, and we’ve not done and gotten to everywhere we wanted to – I know I am committed to seeing what can be done in the Maritime and Atlantic provinces to raise awareness of the title where appropriate. I am also looking into some teaching opportunities in Quebec – where, I must add, that I have taught my Batter Up: Intro to CBT course.
I also plan on attending several pride parades in Ontario, next year – especially if my replacement for ECLb cannot attend to represent. I will have a lot more time this year, than I did last year.
ECLSb is not a Toronto-centric title. The contest just happens to be in Toronto.
If you want to run and you’re from outside of Toronto, GREAT! Sign up today at LeatherSIRCanada.com!
Case 2: During this past weekend, Sir was apparently accosted by someone complaining about Toronto being the so-called centre of the universe.
Please! You’re talking to the wrong Titleholders about this and Sir is from Sudbury which is four hours north of Toronto!
Personally, if I thought Toronto was all that and a bag of chips, I’d never leave this city, I’d have a Sir in this city, and I probably wouldn’t go north of Bloor, west of Yonge, east of Parliament and south of Queen St for fear of a nose bleed.
Personally, I love getting out of this city. I love the fact that my Sir lives 4 hours north of Toronto. I love that my favourite bath house is actually a 45 minute drive away – yes, I drive to Hamilton occasionally to go to the baths. I like getting into the country.
Yes, Toronto has a critical mass of gay people, Leathermen and kinky people. It has one of the larger leather events in Canada, but we also recognize that, in the East, Ottawa and Montreal also have significant Leather populations and many of us travel to at least MLO and many to MCM.
I look to Calgary and Edmonton as being the Leather centres of Western Canada with Vancouver rising up again – together that’s a phenomenal force! Edmonton in particular really has caught my attention seeing what many of the younger men have done to build up their community with EPIG (Edmonton Players in Gear) and other events such as Kink Kamp. Events such as Rubbout in Vancouver. All of these I want to get to when I can.
When I travel to Master Scott’s home town of Port Alberni, BC – seriously, the reaction I get from people when I tell them I’m from Toronto, that “Oooh! You’re from Toronto!” reaction… As if I’m some city slicker big shot.
Honestly, I can do without it.
Never put your own city down because I happen to come from Toronto and say something to the effect of, ‘Wow, and you were willing to come to our city from Toronto!” I’m there because I want to be there, to share myself, to share my experiences, to connect with other like minded people – and vice versa – to learn from you, get experiences with you, etc… Not because I’m some big shot with attitude.
The bitching about Toronto being the centre of the universe… Do you hear me complain about Alberta for whatever inane reason the media chooses to bitch about?
You won’t hear me complain because it’s tiresome and honestly, it’s rude.
Your community may be smaller, but it’s just as valid as any other larger or smaller community. Whatever I can do to be supportive, I’m more than willing to help out.
When I used to think of titleholders, I used to think of gregarious and extroverted individuals who can spin up an event and really make it happen.
Prior to running for Eastern Canada Leatherboy I did a whole bunch of soul searching about being in the public eye and specifically about being an introvert. I observed other titleholders as they went through their year. I spoke with former judges about their observations of the titleholder they judged to win, and their concerns.
I spoke with the producers about it before running. Looking at the history of both the Sirs and boys that have represented Eastern Canada – truth be known quite a few have actually been introverts. So, at one level, I’m in the company of men similar to myself and proof that introverts can be successful titleholders.
“You’re an intovert?” – Yes, quite. I look at introversion in terms of what it takes to rebuild my energy. Being in crowds, being the life of the party does not always revitalize me – despite the fact that I do like being able to spin up a good party if I have the energy. What really centres me is spending time on my own, or around a few friends, and doing what I really like to do.
Us titleholders know that taking that downtime to revitalize is important – everyone needs it extrovert or introvert. Observing previous titleholders, their mentors and talking with these individuals shows me just how important that is.
So before taking on a title – figure out what you need to do to centre yourself and build that downtime in. Definitely have an idea, going into the contest, of when you need your downtime as much as possible and if you can, stick to that plan. Obviously, there will always be last minute events and such and there will always be the unexpected.
From the period of June through to the end of August, Sir and I had a significant number of events to attend in the order of Pride, our ILSb send off, ILSb weekend itself and ending with Toronto Leather Pride. I was exhausted and ended up taking the better part of a month to almost a month and a half to come down from that experience, along with doing even more soul searching about what my journey forward is. I actually did not anticipate this need, so it was quite a surprise to me.
This really got me to take stock of how to rebuild my reserves and what I truly needed.
The IainCave
When growing up I spent a lot of time on my own and did not spend a lot of time over at friend’s homes or having friend over – when I did, it was a real treat and I savoured every minute. In high school I was also one of those individuals who floated from group to group and didn’t feel I really fit in anywhere other than in the computer lab. That said, I am very surprised I’m not as socially awkward as I could have grown to be – that is beside the point.
I also had my own personal refuge – I had what I referred to as my office, a small room in the basement where I spent hours on my 8-bit and 16-bit computers programming and BBSing back in the days of 300 baud dialup modems. I loved this space.
Moving forward in time, my partner and I live in a two bedroom plus den condo that we bought 5 years ago. I claimed the Den as my ‘office’ with a large desk, book cases, etc… While it was nice, I wasn’t spending any time in it – I wasn’t using the space to an advantage. For a year, since ILSb in 2010, I had been looking at transforming this space. I finally had the impetus to actually make that change.
I got rid of the desk, moved the book cases, put in a comfortable chair that rocks, a matching ottoman, a TV stand and TV, soundbar, installed my game consoles and I now have what I affectionately call the IainCave ™ . Porn served off my Mac Mini on the TV looks great, especially Shot Gun CBT videos. *DROOL* I also believe, the seat is at the right height and angle for sucking someone off and working their nipples over – yes, very much looking forward to Master Chuck being a test subject. *GRIN*
This space centers me, it’s where I now go to do my writing, reading, listening to music, gaming, some work, cam, and watching porn when the main television is being used. I almost wonder if I have now spent more time in this room than I did during the previous 5 years.
What else?
Here’s a point form list of things that also help me:
Spending time chilling in a hot tub centers me whether it’s in the bath, in the hot tub downstairs or a bath house. Even the steam room at the gym helps. It’s something I started when I was studying in Ottawa and continued big time when I got back from studying in the UK. And even more fun if there’s someone in there with you. *GRIN*
Sticking to a regular sleep pattern also helps. I am very much a night hawk, so being disciplined about going to bed between 10:30pm and 11:30pm during the week is vital for not being overtired on the weekend, and being off. Especially if I’m going up to Sudbury for a weekend of service to Master Chuck.
Music always works for me to lift my mood – there’s very little I do without music playing
My annual camping trip either to the Rams Run, Spearhead Run or the Crude Run, is an important summer event for me. A chance to get mostly naked outdoors, get in some good play, and deeper camaraderie/brotherhood, and spending time with like-minded brothers.
Getting to the gym – I have to admit, despite at one point having 17in arms and a 50in chest, I got really fed up with lifting at the gym. I’ve started swimming and have been enjoying that, also going for walks in the outdoors really helps during the spring, summer and autumn.
Seeing my friends and even Scott’s subs on a one on one basis.
Most importantly, spending time with Scott and Master Chuck one on one when i’ve been out on the road.
Wearing Master Chuck’s formal collar – I have been wearing His formal collar for the past 24 hours as I write this. While I have a tag that I usually wear otherwise, when I feel that I need that reminder of His presence even though He’s 360km away, I wear the more formal collar
When with Sir, often being at His feet (sitting or lying), smelling His scent, even being in His house helps me.
Having a pair of Sir’s boots handy – the cowboy boots that were worn during ILSb weekend were passed on from Sir.
A simple order from Sir can sometimes help
In my boy contract, the following is a condition:
If the boy’s mood is negative for longer than 4 hours then the boy will contact Sir immediately
While going to events with Your dom is spending time together, it’s not the same as getting that one on one time no matter how hard you’ve tried to make it one on one time – especially during the title year. Make sure you get real one on one time – especially if your primary Daddy/Sir/Master is not also your TitleSIR.
What could work for you? Is it as simple as being at your Daddy’s, Sir’s or Master’s feet or do you need a space of your own?
If I am judging a contest and I perceive you to be an introvert, expect me to ask questions about this. I want to know you know how to look after yourself.
