I typically hate clothes shopping with a passion, although my weight loss over the past two and and a half years means that a whole new world has opened up to me.
One of my goals for Amsterdam, beyond having a chance to spend time with Master Dave and family, was to go rubber shopping. It’s been too long that I’ve had rubber that fit, or hasn’t split.
First stop on Saturday was Black Body.
I have never been in a store stocked with more rubber than this place.
I have never run around a store with such wide eyes, enjoying every minute of it.
The scent of rubber, knowing what it’s like to be sweaty either while wearing it or taking it off at the end of a fun time of kink play.
And I have never ever jumped with joy after buying a bunch of clothing or fetish gear like I did. I was hard walking down Kerkstraat thinking about Master Chuck getting hard as a rock, unzipping the rear fuck zipper, as I’m tied down to a fuck bunch, ready for a good power fuck. Fuck yes!
Next stops were Mr B. and RoB.
I picked up rubber braces, tit clamps and a arm band wallet from Mr. B.
At RoB I found a deal – For €11 found a nice thuddy bat. What a steal at that price, picking up two – one for Master Chuck and one for Scott and I. Let’s just say that for the past 48 hours I’ve been hard as a rock – like extremely hard, thinking about Sir ramping me up, so He can bruise my ass. It’s been a long time since i’ve thought about that kind of play given my headspace.
New gear, new toys. I feel like my mojo is back, for sure.
This is probably going to be one of the more important blog entries that I will ever write, and I hope that many of my readers and even those who just pass through will stop, pause, think and get something out of this.
As some of you may have learned – the kink scene in Toronto, Ontario, Canada and I’m going to even say the world, has lost someone who I feel was an important contributor to the world of rubber and kink however you identify.
Matt of Kink Engineering was, I think, an amazing man in our community. Sadly, at the age of 35, he passed away accidently doing what he loved – his passion for kink and rubber in his amazingly geeky way. This is a man who loved what he did and chose to make a life out of it all.
To Archean and the Kink Engineering staff I send much love to all of you. I can’t even begin to understand the senselessness of the situation.
I met Matt and Archean through KinkDan and had a chance to visit their studio twice. What an amazing rubber-geek heaven. Matt was so passionate about what he did, combining engineering, science and kink. It got me thinking that, “Wow, here is a couple who is not only loving life, but doing what they wanted. Scared given that they were starting to make a living off of Kink Engineering, but you’ve gotta give it your best shot.” Just wow.
Matt and Archean also were presenting at the Festival Kinky de Montréal when I presented a CBT seminar, and I am very much smiling over having been put in the famous H. Kitty vac bed they had. I loved how passionate they were for their kink, and giving people experiences to give it a shot. Always appreciated and infections. That helped when I was at a low time in my own kink life. Thank you for bringing some light to me at that time.
I wish we could have interacted more and I appreciate everything you have done for rubber, kink and the general community. You will be sadly missed Matt.
Hats of to Kink Engineering for being up front and brutally honest about what happened. While some may criticize, I think you have done a good service to the community – muchos kudos a todos!
Along with Kink Engineering, I am choosing to link to the note that KE posted on their blog because I think it’s important that people know the dangers of experimenting by yourself when it involves breath play, asphyxiation, tying stuff around your neck.
To be clear – I have no idea if Matt was in a solo play situation or testing new equipment for play. It sounds like the latter. Either way, hats off to Matt for doing what he loved – and I don’t mean that to take away from the gravity of the situation nor show disrespect to Matt.
I am going to use two key quotes from the blog entry that I think are vital for people to understand. The second is much later in this post, but the first I will use talked about the biological reactions that happen when the throat is constricted too tight – to quote:
The baro receptors in his internal carotid arteries signaled to his body that his blood pressure was dangerously high, and this sent off a vagal response to slow the heart. Since the signal of high blood pressure could not be relieved, Matt lost consciousness and the vagal response caused his heart to stop completely.
It is vital to understand the mechanics of the body.
For the remainder of this blog entry, I want to address the importance of safety when constricting the neck. I am not going to cover the ‘hows’, while I have been involved in scenes as a bottom, I do not feel qualified to talk about the ‘hows’ and I know I could use more information. I am fortunate for the education I already have received over the years in this play, so that I can play that much safer and still have a hot time.
I love breath play.
I know I have some majorly deep fantasies about breath play.
There’s nothing like feeling someone else’s arm around my throat as they’re on top of me, fucking me deep, knowing they’re in control, feeling their arm hairs and a cock spasming in me as Sir cums, my cock rock hard as I blow my load, spewing string of cum after string of cum, who knows how violently out of my cock.
Something around my throat to hold me down in a gangster scene. I’ve been there and it’s fucking hot and scary at the same time.
Feeling the gasket of a rubber vac bed, feeling that tightness around my neck and body as the vacuum sucks down and holds me in place.
Holding my breath in some way when jacking off.
Hell, I’d love to experience being KOed while being fucked and coming through with someone relentlessly fucking my ass in a sling.
I’ve also been KOed unintentionally, in a scene with someone because I relaxed so much. While it was hot for both of us, I also know it was also potentially scary if for any reason I did not come through. I also remember the “funky chicken” as I shook when coming through and the slight disorientation not realizing what happened.
Some of these are not practical but it’s hot to fantasize about it and why shouldn’t we be able to fantasize about these kinds of things?
We all know that we shouldn’t do it alone and while it may be hot to put that tourniquet, rope, whatever tool around our throats alone when we jack off – it’s not safe. We’ve lost too many people in this world that way.
Please, please, please do let someone know what you’re doing so you can be monitored to make sure you are safe. Even if you’re experienced as Matt was, just let someone know or have them participate. If you’re trying something new or experimenting, talk it through with someone and have someone there. If you can, eroticize having that second person, go for it!
Please do get training if you are interested in learning about how to safely do breath control play or if you’re a bottom and want to understand safety and body reactions. For example the trachea could be crushed in a scene gone wrong.
People are doing it, out there, right now. This is why we need to be able to talk about advanced play scenes – 300 and 400 level play if you will. Someone has to be able to teach it and there has to be an avenue for this kind of education. To the people that say there is too much risk in teaching such classes, I think there is too much risk in not disseminating the education.
If you’re cocky, and not saying Matt was, but that’s even more of an alarm to get a refresher. You could have all the safety equipment in the world – but to quote the KE blog:
Had there been a person to assist outside the vac bed, they would have been able to get him out at the first sign of trouble or non-responsiveness. All Matt’s safety contingency plans relied on him still being conscious enough to implement them, and thus, they were useless.
I step off my soapbox.
I don’t know if this is an appropriate song or not… it just feels right.
I’ve been thinking for a long time about heavy scene play and how we process those scenes. I know some guys go into scenes with some degree of bravado to see how much they can take. Others go into the scene to transcend. Others might go into the scene with a sense of service to be used by their dom.
A few months ago, I had the opportunity to be flogged by Master Tony (International LeatherSIR 2009) at one of the Rough House parties at Steamworks. It had been some time since I had a good flogging and I really needed it.
Over the course of the time W/we played, Master Tony beat my nuts, spanked my ass, and flogged my back. It felt great and I liked the energy created between U/us.
The reaction from the onlookers was, for me, an interesting part of the full experience. See, I’m one of those guys who loves to cry in a good scene. There is nothing like feeling a flogger on my back, feeling that build up to transcending and letting it all out. You could almost call it devine.
Seeing a 6ft3, 275lb man tearing up and crying – it either does two things; evokes within you the desire to see that man cry even more (if you’re a sadist) or you want to run away because seeing a grown man cry evokes uncomfortable emotions that you don’t know how to process. The latter is how most of the guys watching the scene at Steamworks reacted – they bolted.
I can appreciate that. I’ve seen a few grown men cry in my life, and I can appreciate how uncomfortable it can be. On the flip side, tears are something to be expected, depending on the person we may be playing with and the type of scene, in what we do as Leathermen. It all depends on context.
In a heavy scene like that I can go down one of two paths. You can hear me yell out my famous and loud, “Fuck you!”; or I cry with a big smile on my face.
I have to admit, when I go into the headspace of “Fuck you!”, the scene is not really all that satisfying for me. It actually takes me down a bit of a dark path from a previous time in my life. Not that I don’t want to remember, but I’ve changed so much from that period, it’s just not a place I wish to visit again. It’s not a positive headspace for me. Not that it couldn’t be a good place for someone else – I respect that and I know it can be pretty hot seeing some grunting and swearing their head off.
Crying just feels so much better to me. It’s releasing the stresses I’ve had over a period of time. During the scene, for me, it was cleansing and it was a great release, very cathartic. I certainly was not being harmed, I was there on my own accord, and I truly enjoyed the scene. Anyone who saw me after would have seen me bouncing down the hall way with a big ass grin and a smile on my face. For me, watching this happen to someone else can be just as hot as the hard grunting and swearing.
Imagine being bound to a cross, being hit with a range of paddles – begging, “Keep on going, keep going, I’m almost there”, and getting a standing ovation at a play party as you start bawling your eyes out and the paddle breaking on your ass. This is among one of my proudest moments as a boy.
Expressing emotions is very important to me. As men (and this also happens to women), we’re often taught to repress our true feelings. I encourage anyone to step beyond their comfort zone and get in touch with their inner emotions, to learn to be comfortable with them.
Here are some great blogs from other members of Master Chuck’s family. Despite sharing the commonality of Master Chuck, regardless of being sub or dom, we have our own experiences and thoughts on various topics.
540 Church Street, Level 2
Sunday, November 27, 2-7pm
PLAY!
The Rough House crew takes it’s kinky demos and players to Steamworks for an afternoon leather/fetish gear party. Public play demos. Back shower water sports area. Darker club ambiance.
An Eastern Canada LeatherSIR and his boys, and his Eastern Canada Leatherboy
I’m writing this on the flight from Calgary to Toronto. Waking up from a nap, I’m listening to the stewardess offer drinks. “How do you take it?”, I hear her say and the response in my head is, “Up the ass.” *whistles*
Congratulations to Sir Marc and boy daniel/pup hoover on winning the Western Canada LeatherSIR/boy contest for 2012 this past weekend!
Sir Marc and boy daniel
Special thanks to Sir Jonathan, Sir Dakota, Ron, David and others for shuttling Sir, boy joe and myself around Calgary from to hotel, to the Eagle and various dinners. It was VERY VERY VERY much appreciated and we cannot give enough thanks to all of you!
Special thanks to the boys of Calgary and Edmonton for a wonderful dinner hosted at Sir Dakota’s (Western Canada LeatherSIR 2010)
Congratulations to Sir Scott and boy rene on their year as titleholders and now for some downtime!
To Sir Alan and pup Nitro, it was great to see both of Y/you in Calgary! Looking forward to seeing you in Toronto in February!
Western Canada had three excellent candidates for their contest – Sir Marc on the Sir side, berith and boy daniel on the boy side.
Your contestants
I like the community spirit of the weekend with the Calgary and Edmonton communities coming together, to celebrate their representation of Leather be it through the contest, by just being out, cruising and picking up.
This is the second time I’ve had a chance to judge a LeatherSIR/boy contest. The first was Michigan LeatherSIR/boy in March 2011 as Alternate Judge. Now that I’ve spent a considerable amount of time as a titleholder, i’ve formulated questions around the things that are important to me – sex, play, community service and looking after ourselves. That should give contestants an idea of what to expect from me. *GRIN*
Sir Alan and pup nitro braving the cold
The weekend included
the meat and greet Friday night with demos
Saturday included two seminars – a first for the Western Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy weekend with Sir Scott presenting on wax (yum!) and Master Chuck and I presenting our Get Zapped! Electrotorture and Electroplay seminar.
Saturday night culminated with the competition
Sunday was the survivors brunch – the food was great!
I highly recommend the Western Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy weekend if you can make it to Calgary. Keep in mind it can be cold in Calgary – Friday hit a low of -20C (-4F) at night, but the locals will be more than happy to keep you warm.
After a lovely dinner at Calgary’s Sky 360 restaurant, Master Chuck, boy joe and myself crashed for the night, waking up to play in the hotel in the morning (rubber sleep sacks, edging and CBT anyone? Yes please!) and pack up for our flights back to Toronto and San Francisco.
Thank you once again Alberta and Western Canada for your hospitality!
Around the time I did the interview with PositiveLite, I was asked if I would be willing to write Op-Ed pieces. I said I would give it a try.
The result is the article I wrote about Bareback porn being played in our bathhouses in Toronto – a relative new trend I have noticed – and my passion for helping my fellow men remain STI-free while having good piggish sex lives.
Much thanks to Bob and Brian at PositiveLite and Master Chuck.
I’ll be re-posting the article here in a few months.
Over the years, I had been asked to get involved with setting up a mens Leather weekend at The Point Tent & Trailer Resort. It was something the general manager, a friend of mine, had talked about in passing a few times but we never really made it happen – until now.
The Point has been host to various pansexual BDSM events over the years. Why not a weekend for men?
The goal for Crude Weekend is really to have a fun play weekend. It’s about Leather and BDSM fun and play, outside. It’s mean to be… crude. Somewhere between what you would find at a run like Spearhead or the Rochester Rams, and Tease.
Here are the planned events – some details are forthcoming:
Friday 2:00 pm – Registration & Setup 10:00 am – Pool Open
8:00pm – Opening Ceremonies
9:00pm – Bingo
10:00pm – Bonfire/Meet & Greet
10:00pm – Play in the backwoods
Saturday
10:00am – Pool Open
Noon – 3:00pm – Demos – Demo schedule forthcoming. 3 demos, scheduled for 45 minutes.
3:00pm – Pool Party TBD – Wet Party
6:00pm – Mexican Fiesta Party & Potluck Dinner
10:00pm – Slick Dance Party
10:00pm – Play in the backwoods
My hope, and I realize that sometimes these events need to grow slowly, I am hoping that this could become an annual weekend that could be linked in with Eastern Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy and specifically hosted and co-arranged by whoever the Eastern Canada Leatherboy is for a particular year.
the ILSb/ICBB board for putting together an amazing weekend
all of the volunteers behind the scenes who worked tirelessly to ensure the event went off without a hitch
to all of the new Sirs, boys and bootblacks in my life
Master Scott, slave pup Kalen and I started off spending two days in San Francisco prior to the event seeing Fishermans Wharf, Market St, and Mr. S. Then it was jumping in feet first into the various meetings, the kick off at Mr. S, the roast, and then preparing for the interviews.
What I found was that with each step completed – preparing for the fantasy, and then the interview – it was another weight lifted off my chest. All in all, I was stressing the most about the interview, then the speech (missed a few lines but it still flowed), and for the jock I hammed it up as much as I could and was comfortable in my own skin.
Ready for the interview
The hardest part of the weekend was waiting until the end to do the fantasy. The waiting, the making sure it went off well. After watching the video that was captured, I believe it did go of very well and based on the pictures at RichTrove.com, I’d say it looked hot! Unfortunately Leatherati had camera problems so there are no photos there.
Demo
The two demos Sir and I did were different and were VERY representative of how Sir plays with His boy. The first was obviously demonstrating our interaction – and from what I could tell, the audience ate up the body play, the kicking, the body surfing and my vocalizations. *GRIN*
After the demo
The boy demo was more about Sir aftercare which, I believe, is a vital part of any kind of play. It’s not just a one-way street. Not only do boys need their aftercare, but so do Sirs- and believe me, Sir and I were both flying after the Sir demo. In addition, Sir loves CBT hence using the cock press. boys topping their Sirs? Why not? As demonstrated, I was still submissive to Him. Maybe not what everyone was expecting, but I believe it makes an important point.
Props to the other boys who also topped during their boy demos!
Fantasy
The fantasy could be taken two ways:
Brokeback Mountain – How the movie should have been
Any standard country/western themed movie where the farmhand (me) comes home with the owner of the ranch.
As a sub to the ranch owner, I was tied down in saddle bondage, bit in the mouth, got paddled, cattle prodded, pissed on, cattle prodded again, and then branded with Sir’s mark and sent home to my wife (a la Brokeback) – all to a soundscape that complemented the theme.
While some might say it’s bad form to mix black and brown leather, the hat in black, and the boots in brown, to me, represented Sir’s Leather-DNA combining with my own. After all, Sir allows me to form my own opinions and develop myself all in line with His will – Thank You Sir! The scene is also representative that despite the fact there was very little leather on me, the way we play has no bearing on the amount of Leather being worn.
One aspect of this Sir and boy couple.
If you look at Drummer Magazines from the early to mid-eighties, in the early eighties, you don’t see men decked out in full leather playing. You see jeans, a shirt, maybe chaps, maybe a vest, maybe a cover, and not as often a harness or a jock. Mr. S has issues 34, 68 and 88 in stock – have a look through them – you might get an eye opener.
Don’t get me wrong – playing with Sir in His full black leathers is fucking hot. Playing with Him in His brown leathers is just as hot. Playing in gear outside of leathers be it rubber, flannel, union suits, etc… it’s all hot and part of what many of us do in Leather.
I was also reminded recently, listening to various BDSM podcasts and reading books recently that brown leathermen are not that common these days. Especially those that play like Master Chuck.
About some of my Leathers Britches – In my formal wear, I was wearing a pair of Britches from Northbound Leather. These are a pair I had custom made back in December. One might expect the colours on either side to match, but they don’t – and it’s done this way for a specific reason.
They flag the things I am into and match what was written on my profile – again, also in line with Sir’s will:
Red on the left as a fisting top.
Yellow on the right as a piss bottom.
Teal on both sides in a thick bar to represent CBT top and bottom.
Chaps – The chaps were also from Northbound and are a variation of their “Leather Pride” Chaps. In this case, “boy Pride” Chaps with a stripe of green rather than blue. By the way, with my weight loss prior to the competition, I had to get both my britches and chaps resized.
Pin Vest – For years I had the dream of building up my own pin vest. For those who went to The Barracks, there was a pin vest of a former Spearhead member – I’m not sure who it was. As seen above I have my club patch (Rochester Rams Associate), various pins from clubs, and various runs and educational events where I have taught. It will be the same vest that features the ILSb/ICBB 2011, Mid-Atlantic Leather Family, WOOLF, and Hellfire pins given to me this past weekend.
The vest also features a big Bear flag on the back. I cannot ignore my past history and involvement in the Bear community. And hey, Leather Bears are a different breed of Leatherman.
Boots
The high-polish boots I wore during the weekend were Corcorans, of which I am very proud. They were polished with Kiwi by me, touched up by my former boy, Bootblack Matt from Detroit with a coat of Lincoln, with a final coat of of Lincoln added by me.
The other pair were Wesco Bosses, I picked up in San Francisco last year. I was granted permission by Sir to get a “play” pair of boots, which I picked up at Mr. S. These boots were subsequently marked with Sir’s piss during the Rochester Rams Run last year.
The cowboy boots I wore on stage were passed down from Sir to me a few years ago. While they may not be the most highly polished or cared for boot, they are representative of the play Sir gets into with his boys, and the play I get into with Sir and others.
During Dore, I was allowed to pick up a pair of Carolina Poleclimber boots, which I have admired for years. Thank You Sir!
I also have a pair of custom Wesco Jobmasters coming as well. I’m hoping to pick those up in September.
Special Thanks
Overall, a weekend like this can be gruelling. My recommendation to anyone entering ILSb/ICBB and even IML – make sure you have handlers who are looking after you for food, and for any supplies you may need. Rely on your producers as well.
I am VERY thankful for:
My partner – Master Scott – Happy Birthday!
Master Chuck’s partner – Boss Rocco – Thank you!
boy joe and slave-pup Kalen – saviours during the weekend!
ILb 2010 Ian, Master Peter and cub – For the encouragement!
Dan Falkenham, Marco, Brandon Matheson (You were missed!!) and the Mohawkasons!!
Rich Stadtmiller for the fantasy scene pictures.
The may hugs and encouragement from all of the Sirs and boys who went along for the ride
Sir and I are very proud to have represented Eastern Canada very well during ILSb/ICBB 2011, and we congratulate Sir Alan, pup nitro and Luna on winning the title of International LeatherSIR, International Leatherboy and International Community Bootblack respectively! It’s very well deserved and we are more than happy to support them during their year!
Saddle bondage anyone?
Leather in Canada is different from that found in the United States, just as Leather is different in Europe and around the world. I encourage all of you to take that trip across borders to experience something different from what you’re used to locally.
And on that note, a musical diversion courtesy of Soul II Soul:
The AIDS Committee of Toronto over the past few years has taken on a risk mitigation strategy in it’s outreach work, encouraging Gay men to make better choices with their sex play and sexual health through better education and information.
Simply telling someone to use a condom isn’t enough. The fact is, people have gotten tired of the no glove, no love message.
I started volunteering with the the ACT Gay Mens Outreach organization almost three years ago. What I learned during my training was how important messaging is, and the impact to people’s attitudes. It’s just like any human-to-human communication it’s all in how you say things whether the other person is going to shut down or be open to more.
What I learned completely turned the messaging I had learned as a young man, on it’s head. After all, fear-based initiatives are completely ineffective and idealist points of view completely ignore reality.
With my volunteer work, I have seen first hand guys reject my offers of condoms, lube and information; only to come back to ask me question month after month, and start making positive choices. They have been empowered to make these choices without being bashed over the head with cliches.
The Bareback Roundtable discussion Master Chuck and I attended during CLAW also turned what I knew upside down. We were able to discover, first hand, the impacts of the messaging of the ’80s and ’90s does to people, the judgements and the stigma. Again, much thanks to Dave Watt for putting this together.
There is a great article on Xtra’s website about the new messaging that ACT is currently using:
“It’s your choice – We believe that sex is a spectrum of possibilities. From pig sex to vanilla. Bareback to wrapped. We’ve got information and sex-positive tips to make your choices safer. ”
I wrote the following in response to the article and some of the comments:
It has been proven that harm reduction strategies gets people to think and often act on playing safer. It worked in the UK in rave culture in the area of drug use, and it’s working here.
When you bash people over the head with idealist points of view like, “You should always use a condom” people start to rebel and say forget it.
I attended a great seminar at an event recently that brought together people who bareback, the porn industry, and people who work in harm reduction. It was a fascinating look at how we all perceive each other and how safer sex messaging gets interpreted.
It’s not simple and the messaging has to change with the times – a lot of ASOs in North America are stuck in the 80s and 90s with their messaging.
ACT along with the OAN are well ahead of the game with this. People need to know the options to make sex safer without being overbearing. It’s about guiding people to make better choices than what they are choosing now.
ACT does not only just use risk mitigation in it’s safe sex messaging but also with it’s Club & Party Outreach. Something as simple as having a clean straw available reduces the risk of Hep C transmission when someone is high.
I am proud to be a supporter of this initiative. The messaging of the ’80s and ’90s has to change from dictating to risk mitigation and explaining the options, to empower men to make their own choices.
To quote someone who commented on the thread: “The community needs MORE realistic, pragmatic information, not moral indignation.”
I believe we need to talk more and open up the discussion on bareback sex and other perceived-to-be taboo topics.
ACT is hosting a Pride edition of the Pig Sex Project series. This discussion will focus on cum. “What do you like to do with it? What does it mean to you?”
When: June 18 from 1-4pm
Where: Steamworks, 540 Church St, Level 2
Find out more by contacting Siva Gunaratnam at 416-340-8484 x254
Master Chuck, Eastern Canada LeatherSIR 2011 and i will be at The Beef Ball on Saturday, July 2, 2011 during Toronto Pride weekend handing out condoms and lube, and we’re happy to answer any questions you may have about play, pig sex, Leather and information to empower you. Hope to see you there!
