Daily Archives: August 4, 2011

Are you out at work?

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“Are you out at work?”

“As a gay man, yes…”

This was my favourite question asked during the interview portion of ILSb, and I am glad that I was asked this question.  It is something I have struggled with greatly and I have felt some degree of shame on both sides.  I’ll explain a bit more later.

I have watched a number of titleholders in awe with how out they are, as Leathermen, in their offices.  Some of their co-workers attending various contests, etc…

I have been in my current position with a Bay Area company for 5 years and 2 months and I am highly regarded and respected by my peers.  Working in a Bay Area company, there are a number of gay people – men and women, of all shapes and sizes – in the San Francisco office.  Still, as far as I know, I am the only gay man in my office in Toronto.  There are, I believe, two lesbians in the office.

I came out as a gay man within five minutes of walking in the office.  One of my coworkers who implied that she was quite gay positive and had several gay friends, had built up enough trust with me that I decided to take a step further and be more open with her.  I came out as a Leatherman and being in a polyamorous relation.

From that time which was about 4 years ago to December of last year, every time we worked together, it felt like it was being held over my head in some degree.  I felt a deep shame that I had created an HR violation in being too out, and at some degree I take responsibility for that.  At the same time, I don’t need it held over my head.

It got to the point that I was extremely uncomfortable in the work environment and I decided to leave the company.  I landed a new job, with same pay in Downtown Toronto.

I called my Manager and Senior Manager into a meeting and told them I was leaving the company.

The next thing that happened surprised me.  My Senior Manager called bullshit – using those words directly, and asked me for more details and gave me 24 hours to change my mind.  I was clear that I was not making a move for monetary reasons and that it had to do with dynamics on the team.

Those where the longest 24 hours in my life.  I was literally shaking and knew that I pretty much had to come out with how uncomfortable I had been feeling due to the reaction of my co-worker to one of my own actions.  In short, I had to come out as a Leatherman at work again.

I had a one hour meeting with my Senior Manager during which I took in a deep breath and explained to him what had been going on, that I was a Leatherman, that I take responsibility for possibly making one of my coworkers uncomfortable but at the same time she kept on pushing to get to know me.  We had a great talk about minorities – he happens to be from the Caribbean; and we also talked about so-called invisible minorities.  He was completely accepting of me.

Needless to say, I stayed with the company and had to decline the offer from the other company.  I feel I made the right decision.

A few more details I left out during the interview, that I just realized:

  • Since that time I came out to two more co-workers as Eastern Canada Leatherboy
  • They both know that I was in San Francisco for ILSb and were rooting for Sir and me
  • They both know that I am in a polyamourous relationship
  • Two more co-workers know I am in a polyamourous relationship and are cool with it.  They’ve seen ‘some of the interesting photos in my Facebook’, to quote.
  • There was an incident where I had dropped one of the ECLSb business cards that Sir and I have on the floor at work.  One of my co-workers was looking at it.  OOPS!  No issues have come from that.

I feel fortunate for being able to be out a bit more at work and I can be more of myself and not worry about what others think.  At the same time, I don’t think everyone needs to know what I am into.

When I got back to the office on Wendesday, I was told my the co-worker that I had issues with, that she is leaving and that her last day is August 12th, 2011.  I wish her much luck and happiness in her new position.

Much thanks to the judge who asked this question.  I now have the courage to tell this story publicly.

ILSb/ICBB 2011: One week in San Francisco

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What an amazing week!

Firstly, much thanks to:

  • the ILSb/ICBB board for putting together an amazing weekend
  • all of the volunteers  behind the scenes who worked tirelessly to ensure the event went off without a hitch
  • to all of the new Sirs, boys and bootblacks in my life

Master Scott, slave pup Kalen and I started off  spending two days in San Francisco prior to the event seeing Fishermans Wharf, Market St, and Mr. S. Then it was jumping in feet first into the various meetings, the kick off at Mr. S, the roast, and then preparing for the interviews.

What I found was that with each step completed – preparing for the fantasy, and then the interview – it was another weight lifted off my chest.  All in all, I was stressing the most about the interview, then the speech (missed a few lines but it still flowed), and for the jock I hammed it up as much as I could and was comfortable in my own skin.

Ready for the interview

The hardest part of the weekend was waiting until the end to do the fantasy.  The waiting, the making sure it went off well.  After watching the video that was captured, I believe it did go of very well and based on the pictures at RichTrove.com, I’d say it looked hot!  Unfortunately Leatherati had camera problems so there are no photos there.

Demo
The two demos Sir and I did were different and were VERY representative of how Sir plays with His boy.  The first was obviously demonstrating our interaction – and from what I could tell, the audience ate up the body play, the kicking, the body surfing and my vocalizations. *GRIN*

After the demo

The boy demo was more about Sir aftercare which, I believe, is a vital part of any kind of play.  It’s not just a one-way street.  Not only do boys need their aftercare, but so do Sirs- and believe me, Sir and I were both flying after the Sir demo.  In addition, Sir loves CBT hence using the cock press.  boys topping their Sirs?  Why not?  As demonstrated, I was still submissive to Him.  Maybe not what everyone was expecting, but I believe it makes an important point.

Props to the other boys who also topped during their boy demos!

Fantasy
The fantasy could be taken two ways:

  • Brokeback Mountain – How the movie should have been
  • Any standard country/western themed movie where the farmhand (me) comes home with the owner of the ranch.

As a sub to the ranch owner, I was tied down in saddle bondage, bit in the mouth, got paddled, cattle prodded, pissed on, cattle prodded again, and then branded with Sir’s mark and sent home to my wife (a la Brokeback) – all to a soundscape that complemented the theme.

While some might say it’s bad form to mix black and brown leather, the hat in black, and the boots in brown, to me, represented Sir’s Leather-DNA combining with my own.  After all, Sir allows me to form my own opinions and develop myself all in line with His will – Thank You Sir!  The scene is also representative that despite the fact there was very little leather on me, the way we play has no bearing on the amount of Leather being worn.

One aspect of this Sir and boy couple.

If you look at Drummer Magazines from the early to mid-eighties, in the early eighties, you don’t see men decked out in full leather playing.  You see jeans, a shirt, maybe chaps, maybe a vest, maybe a cover, and not as often a harness or a jock.  Mr. S has issues 34, 68 and 88 in stock – have a look through them – you might get an eye opener.

Don’t get me wrong – playing with Sir in His full black leathers is fucking hot.  Playing with Him in His brown leathers is just as hot.  Playing in gear outside of leathers be it rubber, flannel, union suits, etc… it’s all hot and part of what many of us do in Leather.

I was also reminded recently, listening to various BDSM podcasts and reading books recently that brown leathermen are not that common these days.  Especially those that play like Master Chuck.

About some of my Leathers
Britches – In my formal wear, I was wearing a pair of Britches from Northbound Leather.  These are a pair I had custom made back in December.  One might expect the colours on either side to match, but they don’t – and it’s done this way for a specific reason.

They flag the things I am into and match what was written on my profile – again, also in line with Sir’s will:

  • Red on the left as a fisting top.
  • Yellow on the right as a piss bottom.
  • Teal on both sides in a thick bar to represent CBT top and bottom.

Chaps – The chaps were also from Northbound and are a variation of their “Leather Pride” Chaps.  In this case, “boy Pride” Chaps with a stripe of green rather than blue.  By the way, with my weight loss prior to the competition, I had to get both my britches and chaps resized.

Pin Vest – For years I had the dream of building up my own pin vest.  For those who went to The Barracks, there was a pin vest of a former Spearhead member – I’m not sure who it was.  As seen above I have my club patch (Rochester Rams Associate), various pins from clubs, and various runs and educational events where I have taught.  It will be the same vest that features the ILSb/ICBB 2011, Mid-Atlantic Leather Family, WOOLF, and Hellfire pins given to me this past weekend.

The vest also features a big Bear flag on the back.  I cannot ignore my past history and involvement in the Bear community.  And hey, Leather Bears are a different breed of Leatherman.

Boots
The high-polish boots I wore during the weekend were Corcorans, of which I am very proud.  They were polished with Kiwi by me, touched up by my former boy, Bootblack Matt from Detroit with a coat of Lincoln, with a final coat of  of Lincoln added by me.

The other pair were Wesco Bosses, I picked up in San Francisco last year.  I was granted permission by Sir to get a “play” pair of boots, which I picked up at Mr. S.  These boots were subsequently marked with Sir’s piss during the Rochester Rams Run last year.

The cowboy boots I wore on stage were passed down from Sir to me a few years ago.  While they may not be the most highly polished or cared for boot, they are representative of the play Sir gets into with his boys, and the play I get into with Sir and others.

During Dore, I was allowed to pick up a pair of Carolina Poleclimber boots, which I have admired for years.  Thank You Sir!

I also have a pair of custom Wesco Jobmasters coming as well.  I’m hoping to pick those up in September.

Special Thanks
Overall, a weekend like this can be gruelling.  My recommendation to anyone entering ILSb/ICBB and even IML – make sure you have handlers who are looking after you for food, and for any supplies you may need. Rely on your producers as well.
I am VERY thankful for:

  • My partner – Master Scott – Happy Birthday!
  • Master Chuck’s partner – Boss Rocco – Thank you!
  • boy joe and slave-pup Kalen – saviours during the weekend!
  • ILb 2010 Ian, Master Peter and cub – For the encouragement!
  • Dan Falkenham, Marco, Brandon Matheson (You were missed!!) and the Mohawkasons!!
  • Rich Stadtmiller for the fantasy scene pictures.
  • The may hugs and encouragement from all of the Sirs and boys who went along for the ride

Sir and I are very proud to have represented Eastern Canada very well during ILSb/ICBB 2011, and we congratulate Sir Alan, pup nitro and Luna on winning the title of International LeatherSIR, International Leatherboy and International Community Bootblack respectively! It’s very well deserved and we are more than happy to support them during their year!

Saddle bondage anyone?

Leather in Canada is different from that found in the United States, just as Leather is different in Europe and around the world.  I encourage all of you to take that trip across borders to experience something different from what you’re used to locally.

And on that note, a musical diversion courtesy of Soul II Soul: