From December 2021, originally published on FetLife

Three weeks ago, I spent a weekend with a newer member of my Leather Family. It was a “much planned but had to change many a time trip” and it finally happened.

The weekend got me pensive about the changes COVID contributed to, that I’ve wanted to implement for years, and what it brought due to the lockdowns we all experienced.

Looking for polyamorous love in the wrong places? I’ve thought and wondered about this on my nightly walks recently.

I’ve got some varied needs between topping and bottoming and domming and subbing. I’m all over the place, and you could say I’m a bit of an experience slut. However, I have always wanted to reduce how open and free to play I was, and limit to a smaller group of like minded people that fulfill me.

Despite the challenges of COVID, it seems to have made this dream and desire come true for me.

In the past, I really enjoyed spending time at and supporting bath houses. In some respects I’m more comfortable at them than bars. Still, as time went on pre-pandemic, I successfully reduced that need and desire, and with COVID it had to drop to nil.

I’ve realized I value intimacy and connection a lot more than I realized.

Quality has always been more important than quantity for me. I’m hypersexual, so it’s not surprising that I have been on the hunt for good sex and play, and find it. Still, I have always wanted and needed something more substantial.

A year ago, Scott and I moved into our house bringing along one of his boys and my boy who lives in my basement.

Little did I realize the ride of learning about polyamory first hand on which I was about to embark.

I had to learn to communicate way better, more than I had learned with my past partners, and they too learned the same.

I chose to show vulnerability and be vulnerable; which as opened me up and opened up others, and it has contributed to more powerful and closer relationships. Others have done the same with me.

I had to deal with the root cause of jealousy and be straight up with myself to bring the change I’ve wanted, to fall in like, to build the relationships and connections I’ve wanted.

I’ve learned to be firm with decisions knowing that as a result, someone is going to go through a necessary growing pain, for their own benefit. Firm yet supportive, patient and principled.

I’ve worked hard and done my best on building, supporting and maintaining the relationship dynamics I want, and supporting my partners in the dynamics they want with other partners, all reciprocated.

Fast forward a year later. For the first time in my life, I’m feeling very much fulfilled in that, I don’t feel a need to go and seek more or want more. I’m happy with what I currently have.

It’s been well worth putting that effort into the relationships and what the universe seems to have provided is way more than I ever anticipated.

While I’ll jump on cruising sites, checking them out and connect with people, honestly, today, I’d prefer to spend that time with my various partners, and their partners because of the connections we share.

I don’t think it means I’m completely off the table, and it doesn’t mean I won’t go out or hunt online. I am always willing to entertain an offer for some fun and I have a few people knocking at my door seeking a connection that I am considering. I’m just not doing it as often, and it’s not a priority.

I’ve found a group of men that stimulate me not just sexually but also intellectually. They’re multidimensional like me versus being a one trick pony. They value connection and that connection is electric. I wouldn’t change the hard work we’ve all done.

COVID has been painful to go through. The lockdowns we’ve all experienced and some may have yet to go through, have been brutal. However, I think there are positives that have come out of this situation. For me, this is one of them.