I was talking recently to a new boy in our greater community who has asked me to be a mentor of his. I’m honoured that he would ask me to be one of many people who will be his guide in his life time. I take this seriously, having been someone who needed that in my own lifetime.
He said to me that if he won a title, that he would be so happy, etc…
When you’re first starting out in Leather, there’s a LOT to learn about yourself and much of it can be pretty damned hard work – whether you’re getting into a D/s relationship and learning the dynamic between your Dominant and yourself, or simply learning about aspects of play that you’ve longed after for years and finding that opening those closet doors of your deepest desires very difficult.
Throw in a title and you learn even MORE about yourself and those around you. It can be overwhelming.
A title is not something that should be used to validate yourself. Being Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2011, does not validate who I am as a boy – among other boxes that I fit in to. I was already a boy in our community doing what I do. While it identifies me, it’s not my identity because there is considerably more to me as a multidimensional person. I will admit it does stroke my ego, and it feels good to be recognized this way, but I see it as really decadent icing on the cake.
The way I look at being a titleholder in the ILSb circuit is that I am here as a representative of a region of our community with a willingness to:
- share my insights and experiences with others,
- participate in community building such as contributing to events happening in the community with Sir and others in the community,
- and promote and participate in some hot public play.
My recommendation for anyone considering running for a title, be it one of your local city titles, LeatherSIR/Leatherboy, MAL, IML, ILSb; truly get an understanding of who you are and what you stand for, for yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in what we perceive to be the expectations of others if you’re not clear about who you are and what you stand for, and to lose who you are in that.
It took me three years to get prepared for ECLSb to really understand why I wanted this so much and even when I was ready, not surprisingly, there were even more lessons to be learned and there will be more lessons to learn as well.
I’ve repeated this a few times over the years – as a wise Daddy here in Toronto said, “I think we should all stop looking to family (and others) for validation and worth; to do so gives others power better kept.”
Wise words to live by.
Just as Sir Hugh said in a recent, wonderful blog entry, “The mark of a LeatherSIR is not measured by contests or judge’s remarks.”; the same can be said for Leatherboys.
Welcome to your journey, brother. I’m honoured to be part of it.
