What can I say about MAL2020? It was a blast? It was amazing? That and more.
I reconnected with the North American Leather and Fetish communities after some time away, in a big way and in a way I had not been able to before. I was ready to jump back in.
A bit of background – I stepped away from the community due to the stupidity of politics that was, essentially, making me sick. I was seeing my own community implode and I really wanted nothing to do with the implosion, and I was exhausted. I will say this: It’s okay to take a break.
Scott and I jumped on a flight from Toronto Pearson to Washington National, got whisked away in a taxi to our hotel and chilled for the night.
The next morning we headed over to the Hyatt for our first day. Scott was dressed in his JediBear shirt and myself in latex and rubber flagging the things I’m into.
Arriving at the hotel there was an unmistakable energy to the place when it comes to such a celebration of fetish, kink and sex. It felt pretty amazing and I had a grin. I admit that prior to arriving at MAL, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was blown away.
First stop – the vendor fair to see a pup I’ve been handling in the UK, his Sir to whom he is collared and his Daddy – Congrats to Moodybear for their first time vending at MAL! Having observed what it takes for a vendor to get prepared for such an event, please do support your favourite independent businesses – and the kink community is full of them! It was also very good to briefly connect with Kelvin and Mikey, despite how busy the weekend was.
The vendor fair – holy crap! This was the Fetish Mall of America where you could find ANYTHING, or so it felt! Where else would I find the finger portion to a finger flogger I bought that was missing that part? A gas mask with rebreather bag? Gear, equipment, leather, rubber, neoprene, pup hoods, estim kits, canes, and the list could go on.
Needless to say, we stocked up on things we had always dreamed about getting. For example, a Porta Plow from Fort Troff for both at home and on the road; and I picked up two lighter floggers for practicing two-handed/Florentine flogging.
With the space that Scott and I have at home, I’ve long struggled with how do we create a kinky space when we want it, and a calm regenerative home space. MAL helped make it happen for us and I think it will help in the future. I definitely want to go back! Now how do I collapse a rim chair down to bring back to Canada and the United Kingdom?
We even found Scott gloves and boots which had me extremely chuffed as it is very difficult to find someone with his size of hands, feet and calves gear off the rack!
I was dressed in rubber for Rubber Cocktails which I had seen Seth, dressed in casual leathers, and I suggested he join me. Prior to that I had my boots shined by boy john who was part of the same ECLSb title class as me and Sir. We’ve had a long connection. If he’s around and available to black, I’ll make my boots available to him.
For an event like MAL, the hotel lobby is a key place to cruise and hang out. I never thought that I’d feel comfortable in such a space, but surprisingly it felt right. It was great reconnecting with Ed, Steve, Ron and his boy, and making new connections with people we met.
I went to the DC Eagle that night, by myself to smoke my pipe and check it out. A great large space!
The next day I decided to put on my Chicago K-9 Unit gear with Scott wearing his Dr Woof Weeping Angels shirt, kilt, red socks and new boots. Scott looked amazing.
We ended up meeting up with Daddy Gary, boy Jon, and BurrPup Ursus – again more reconnections and new connections. Scott remarked to me at the end of the weekend that between the pup and I, we have the fetish world completely connected.
If there is one thing I’ve learned recently is how deep the pup community has gotten. It feels much like the boy community building various clubs a few years after I was collared to Master Chuck. As I explore handling, it has been an eye opener for a community that I’ve been arms-length from for possibly too long.
Play-wise I ended up getting into two scenes. One involved flogging, coffee piss and a good pounding; the other was a straight up flogging scene for a pup I met at Smokeout in 2019. Then again, there was also pounding some ass that was offered to me at Smokeout in 2019 as well, that I finally took advantage of. I’ve not played like I have at any other hotel-based run in North America. Refreshing!
That night was Leather Cocktails – I say that anyone has to do this at least once, and to actually see both the parade of colours and the dropping of the cock ring. it’s a great chance to see friends and make new friends in Leather.
That night I was invited out by a Sir and his boy to The Green Lantern to hang out and reconnect. A fitting last night to the weekend.
The next day it was back to the Hyatt for brunch, seeing Gunny and his pup sox, who did an amazing job of servicing my Wesco Big Bosses, one last run through for last minute items at the vendor fair, saying goodbyes and we were off home.
We’ll be back – thanks pup for putting it on our radar!
I’ve been an off and on again user of Twitter. I’ve had many a good Twitter discussion, especially around the 2010-2014 period before I decided to delete my account.
With the demise of Tumblr, I decided to head back to Twitter.
I have to hand it to one of my favourite porn stars and a Daddy I admire, Will Angel who has some important stuff to say in a two part video called, “So, what’s an Alpha anyway?” – Thanks for the title Daddy Will. 😈
Up there with switching, this year I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what it means to be Alpha, having an alpha personality and in many respects the responsibility that comes with that. As much as I struggled with being told I have quite an alpha personality, the more at ease I’ve become, the less of an ass I’ve become.
On the flip side, there’s the whole what is the persona of an Alpha that people create in their heads – always a top, always dominant and über all of that.
Heaven forbid if such an Alpha bottoms and shows something vulnerable, right?
Talking to my husband and one of his boys, the bottom shaming my husband gets when he’s straight up about also enjoying the bottom side of things. “But I want a total top”.. Seriously fuck off.
The boy who is pretty much all bottom gets fucking attitude and told, “I don’t want to throw my hotdog down a hallway” – Uhm, really? In my books that’s grounds for a blocking after a good bollocking. That boy could break you.
I digress.
If it weren’t for bottoms, those of us who are more top oriented; if it weren’t for those betas and omegas, those of us who are more alpha wouldn’t have people around to pleasure or serve us. If I didn’t spend the time in that beta space, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.
To be clear I’m not limiting this discussion to just ass play which inspired Will’s context. It goes for any kind of play or service. If I had a sub top and I wanted a good CBT scene, a flogging or something else I’m not going to be afraid to bottom to them, and I certainly have done in my past – and enjoyed seeing their eyes light up.
Let’s get our heads out of our asses. Stop the fucking attitude and the bottom shaming.
Daddy Will – it’s fucking hot to see you get fucked because my boy side loves top service just as my dominant side loves to take ass.
For the next few blog entries, I’m going to talk a bit about how 2019 has been quite transformative for me, and it has.
Let’s talk about gear.
Prior to March 2019, my attitude was, yeah I liked gear but it’s such a pain to put it on just to take it off. I’d occasionally put it on but honestly, unless I was going up to Sudbury, or going out in Toronto, what’s the point?
There was a point where I used to go to work booted every day wearing my Wesco Boss boots that I picked up in May 2010. Even that started to go by the wayside.
First with experimenting with rubber, neoprene, going to events and having excuses every weekend to find something fetish related, it’s easily become an important and key part of my life on the weekend.
Fast forward to Christmas and spending two weeks with my mother-in-law. Unfortunately the turn around time meant I forgot some key things at home, such as my leather gloves that, since September, have been a key part of my daily gear – thanks pup for the inspiration there!
For two weeks I was missing my gear. The only gear I had with me was a Kooga rugby shirt and my leather jacket.
I seriously couldn’t wait to get home, and when I did, I got into my rubber and spent some much needed time with my boy.
Like I said, I could not have anticipated that back in January 2019. On this eve of heading to MAL, I am genuinely excited for a weekend in gear.
Reading this entry with where I am today – it’s also very true today as a dominant.
This past weekend I played with my boy john, the hardest we’ve played to date, at Rough House.
I could easily say that the world around us disappeared for me, and I know it did for him. We connected at a much deeper level than we had before and it was hot.
Connection. Important for both the sub and the dom.
Looking at a few others posts like this one, where I say, “I’m not much of a masochist and probably less of a sadist” – BAHAHAHA!
As for being a masochist – somewhat true – while I like a good flogging, TT and CBT I’m not much into pain as a bottom. I’m more of a service bottom.
As for being a sadist – I’ve learned that I can be evil and do like to dish out some torture – Imagine that, a giving a good hard flogging, TT an CBT. 😈
This weekend has been a bit eventful. Firstly, it’s the longest I’ve been back in Toronto since March 2019, two weeks in a row! This gives me an opportunity to get out. Getting out I did.
Thursday started with checking out Home Turf, hosted by Jeremy Feist, Mister Leather Toronto 2016; which is a once a month Leather night at The Black Eagle. Normally I would not go out on a school night but I made a commitment to myself and by virtue of talking to others, I’m making good on that commitment.
It was a fun night of all kinds of guys in Leather, guys playing and, more importantly, a diverse age range. It felt good being out in that kind of space again in my own city.
Friday, my boy came over for the weekend to stay. I am a fortunate Sir and he a fortunate boy with both of us living close by and in the same city. Quite a few of us are not as fortunate – saying that from first hand experience as my own Sir lives 5 hours away by car.
Fridays usually involve us coming down from the week, having dinner, light banter and sleeping!
Saturday usually runs some degree of errands. The boy was wanting a pair of boots and we decided to head downtown with him driving. We made the mistake of stopping at Northbound before the boot shop and never got to check out boots because he picked up his first piece of rubber and a nice thigh harness bag.
The Toronto Rubberman meet was that evening at The Eagle and that’s where we headed with Master Scott’s boy charles. What a fun night and a group of friendly people in all kinds of rubber gear including pups and full gear fetishists.
Sunday morning starts with my usual three coffees and breakfast served by the boy. He goes to prepare for Rough House whilst I get prepared mentally, and then we trade places in the bathroom.
We headed downtown. Rough House is, I think, Canada’s primary mens only BDSM play party. There are lots of pansexual parties in the Greater Toronto & Hamilton area, but very few in the gay community. It has been going for years and is a gem and pulls in all kinds of kinksters from rubbermen, leathermen, pigs, doggos and pups. I’ve gone off and on for years.
After working the boy over to both our mutual satisfaction, we head back home, meet up with Scott and three of his subs and go to dinner.
This week starts our preparation for MAL. While I have been travelling a lot with gear, Scott hasn’t and we decided to pull out what he has and put together a few ensembles.
My night ends with my usual good nights to my Sir, my boy, seeing, virtually, a pup I handle off to the airport to see his Sir and Daddy in the States, and then writing an email to my Sir about the weekend.
All in all, I’m glad I got out to explore what Toronto has these days. It’s very unfortunate that the kink and fetish community has slowed down somewhat, but I also feel there is the potential for resurgence. Essentially a retraction happens, people reorganise, new energy enters the picture and something fresh and new happens.
I won’t lie, I miss the November Mr. Leather Toronto event; people descending on Toronto from all over for not just another contest weekend, but also for the chance to learn at the educational seminars, the social aspects and the hooking up.
Thursday can’t come soon enough! I am genuinely excited for MAL.
Okay rant time – This is not something new, and maybe I’m just sensitive to this after observing a rather fantastic submissive express their frustration over someone who had made plans and ghosted.
What is it with, presumable, tops and Doms not taking responsibility for their actions, feelings, and ghosting? Now, yes I know this is a universal issue and can also happen to Doms but I want to focus on the top/Doms.
I can appreciate what the stress and pressure to perform can feel like as a Dom, especially when you’re new and green. Been there, done that, have the confidence scars.
Communicate if you’re nervous. Nothing wrong with a presumably top or Dom not being comfortable or, hell, taking ownership of mistakes, etc. Taking responsibility is hot, is a turn on and helps create a learning opportunity. Swallow your pride – I know I’ve had to, and making mistakes is part of learning.
Communicate! A good sub, even the green ones will understand where you’re coming from. Put your trust in that. If they react poorly then they’re not the sub for you, or there’s a really good lesson to be learned for both, or both of these.
It’s one of the reasons why, when I make a commitment to a sub, I follow through and make damn sure I follow through.
Where do I start talking about 2019? Growth, and finding myself.
As I wrote on New Years Eve on Facebook, ask me a year ago where I’d be a year later and I can pretty much tell you the picture was very different.
Little did I know the connections with people I would make. Tell me I’d be levelling up my kink, fetish, and D/s experience in a big way, I’d have laughed at, yet here I am with a very very different world view.
It seems that every 7 years I am given an opportunity to get away, get some time to myself and that leads to some good epiphanies and changes – UK 95/96; California 03; Uruguay 12; EU 19/20. Where next in 2027?
It’s been a tough year with the travel and being away from my family – especially Scott and boy john who have missed me, and whom I have missed. A lot of people have supported us in the past year and I am very fortunate to have that support in my life – the definition of brotherhood to me and that has made my year that much better, and contributed more than you know. Thank you!
January and February started with some rumblings about a project in Europe, specifically the United Kingdom and I was approached to be a significant part of that project. Admittedly, not only was it getting me out of management, which I was hating, it was getting me overseas back to the UK – somewhere I’ve wanted and actually needed to get back to.
Sitting with a friend back then, someone I admire who has been encouraging me in rubber, we got talking about the Toronto scene. I actually felt somewhat embarrassed – I was no longer connected to the scene in Toronto. Sure, I do know what some of the events are and who I can go to, but I just wasn’t engaged and in many respects not interested. Kink was a chore in many respects and I didn’t feel people were all that genuine.
I wouldn’t say my kink life was going nowhere, after all I have a boy wearing my collar, a Sir and a Daddy; but still, things were stagnant. boy john came into my life almost three years ago as of the writing of this blog entry and completely caught me off guard after seven years of not having a sub. While I was open to having a sub, I wasn’t actively looking and honestly down in the dumps and really struggling with my confidence.
It was clear that I needed something to rejuvenate myself, so with this change in my job I made a commitment to myself – to go to Leather bars in Europe and to check out as many events as possible, and that I did.
March I made a visit up to Master Chuck where we fixed my Erostek ET-312. WOOHOO! We are back in the e-stim game.
My first stop in London was Soho and specifically, Regulation where I picked up some new rubber. Ah rubber, it’s hard to find in Eastern Canada unless you get custom work done.
April I headed to Smokeout in Vegas, where I reconnected with a bunch of people I’ve known either in person or online. I had the good fortune to spend a fair bit of time with Daddy Gary and Jonathan – two people I admire.
My second work trip of the year was extended by an extra week, so of course, I had to spend time in Berlin for Easter. I kicked off that weekend in London in a sleepsack.
Getting back to Berlin, though I wasn’t sure what to expect as I’ve not cared that much for large Leather events. Berlin was transformative, as I’ve written already. It truly is the event that kick started the sleeping giant.
In May, I visited Sir, a chance to connect before a rather long stretch in the UK and Europe.
June, I visited Newcastle and ended up switching with a rather hot Leather Bear – bring on bondage, boots, butts and Andrew planting, “You should join BLUF.” in my brain. I did a double take and said, “WHAT?!”
A hot man that I’ve lusted over as an Instagram crush told me that I was “good enough” for BLUF. I say “good enough” because I never thought I was “good enough” and that despite no one ever saying that I wasn’t good enough. It’s funny the games we make up in our heads.
I never really thought about it, but yeah, I do have an interest in leather uniforms, uniforms in general and I had enough of the gear to join – I’ve had it since I ran for International Leatherboy. You’ll find me as BLUF# 1862.
In Europe, I was realizing that I have access to the gear I’m interested in, that I simply don’t have access to in Toronto. I really have been like a kid in a candy store.
I would say it really was by June where a transformation was starting to happen.
July involved a trip back home to Toronto, London for London Fetish Week – Recon Fetish Party, Pup Night; and a visit to Paris where I picked up my first piece of neoprene; back to London for my first taste of The Backstreet and buying my first sleep sack.
I significantly updated my uniform with a biker jacket – damn you Anna at Northbound! That jacket off the rack just had to fit! In all seriousness, that jacket has become a statement and in some respects a travel companion.
Mid-July I attended Mastery at The Backstreet with Daddy Dave – A night that’s well worth going to. Hell, that bar is a gem and one of the last of it’s kind in the world.
At the end fo July, I walked all over Edinburgh in my Jobmasters, and marched at Mardigla in Glasgow, as well attending the Glasgow Leathermen Social. Thank you Fraser for connecting me in Scotland!
Scott came over and we spent time in Cardiff, London, Kent, and Paris. I also made sure he had a chance to visit The Backstreet, where we spent time with the lovely Darren who had been quite helpful since the start of my time in the UK.
August saw me head to Manchester where I finally had a chance to meet a wonderful doggo/pup/boy that has since become a significant part of my time in the UK, Andrew. While I’ve spent time as “Sir” and “Daddy”, this was my first real significant time in the role of “Handler”. Check out The Moodybear for all your t-shirt needs!
August is also the time for the SLAGMen run in Sudbury. The neoprene sleep sack was quite popular, and I had a chance to be part of a fun sounding scene. God I love making guys moan that way!
In September, my boy john visited the UK on an epic 36 hour trip that included a visit to various fetish shops and The Backstreet. In that one evening I was able to do, well, a lot! Oil drums will never be the same for either of us ever again. 😈 More importantly, we connected deeper.
I also learned that a tie clip can complete the look of a uniform.
September also meant Folsom Europe with the pup and to get to know him better. It was a great social time together that I wouldn’t change, It is also the biggest fetish event I had ever been to. I will also say the vibe in Europe is so different from that in the United States. If we could do away with the politics and just enjoy each other’s time together…
At the end of September, I got our leather family out to The Eagle for our first fetish night in a long time. #Useitorloseit
October saw me at Manchester Leather Weekend seeing almost everyone that I had connected with since March in one place. Manchester struck a chord with me in 2008 and really has become a bit of a spiritual fetish home for me.
October also saw my first visit in service to Sir with my boy, john. The weekend was a lot of fun, hot and significant. I had asked Sir if I could purchase my first officer cap during the summer, mainly given the significance of that means within His Leather family. I was given permission, and Sir covered me that weekend as a Sir within His family.
The end of October saw me in Amsterdam Leather Pride, which was a lower key event for me as I was spending time with Master Dave’s Leather family – always wonderful to see them and spend time with everyone, and the pup. The pup was pinned into Mama’s Family as “Mama’s Kinky Disco Gnome”.
I do have to say a sub or bottom laughing from a hard flogging I’m giving makes my heart sing, it gives me a big smile and makes me want to hit harder. 😊
As we get into the latter part of the year, kink has taken a bit of a back seat – for November and I ended up being in Manchester for Pre-hibearnation, Belfast with slave Joe, Toronto; and then December saw me in Nottingham to order some new rubber; Manchester overnight and then a weekend in London before heading back to Toronto and Vancouver Island for the holidays.
I have to admit, the two weeks on Vancouver Island were challenging – I’m very much missing getting geared up and playing vanilla really isn’t working for me. Admittedly, my leather jacket has been a safety blanket for me. Wow, I have changed.
So that’s what I did and who I met, so what am I really feeling and reflecting on?
I’ve been given a gift here, a gift to travel cheaply and I’m not going to waste that opportunity.
I used to dislike the term ‘fetish’ as I didn’t feel that it represented me, however, having my eyes opened to it, it actually does fit and I am a lot more comfortable in using the term to describe one aspect of what I am into.
I have dabbled a lot in being a lot more ‘out there’ in terms of my fetishes and experiences on Instagram, and I think the lesson I have learned, once again, is what you put out there you receive back in spades. While I have very much appreciated the complements and kudos, the main reason I put myself out there was to learn to be a lot more comfortable in my own skin and build self acceptance. It worked.
I decided to do photo shoots with Dari from D81, Joshi and Bear Hotel this year. Fetish photography is quite a big thing in Europe and Dari had suggested he wanted to take pictures of me, so why not. The photos were eye opening for me, because of some of the body image issues I’ve had that I have been working hard to put to rest, and the body dysmorphia I live with. I will always carry those with me, and went through a particularly bad spell of self criticism this holiday period, that I’m coming out of; but for the most part, I’m where I want to be, and wow, those images were spectacular.
If this makes any sense, my heart is opening up – it’s the only way I can describe it. I’m smiling a lot more, I’m happier and there’s a bounce in my step. I also have cried quite a few tears of gratitude as I head back to Newbury or Toronto from various trips, for the experiences I’ve been provided, and the people I have met and spent quality time with – after coming from a few years where I have felt emotionally locked up.
The way I see it, when you work on yourself and build yourself up, then you have capacity and the tools to help and contribute positively to other people’s lives.
I have also been dealing with the question of identity. While I am Master Chuck’s boy, and while there is still a need for being in boy-space to create balance; where only a few short years ago I’d say I was 75% sub and 25% dominant, the balance has shifted 75% dominant and 25% submissive. I am more interested in exploring my dom-space and building that up. I have had a significant boost of confidence over the past few months which I have needed. Truly – when you have fantastic submissives around it makes that experience as Sir that more enjoyable even when challenges arise, it’s not draining.
This blog as “Leatherboy iain” no longer feels right and my identity as”Leatherboy iain’ has changed significantly. I do feel like there needs to be a shift to be more representative of who I am these days, and where I’m headed. On Instagram I purposely chose “LthrIain” as my handle, but even that doesn’t totally capture the essence of who I am. There’s a lot more to me – something I’ve always known and others have acknowledged. This is done with Master Chuck’s blessing as well.
I think there will always be sub component to me. There will always be those men I look at and will want to submit to. There have always been men that I have looked at, who I want to have submit to me should they also desire to serve me.
2020 I know is going to be a year of even more growth – as they say if you’re not learning, you’re dead. Mid-Atlantic Leather in DC, Easter in Berlin, Manchester Rubberman Weekend, and Pride in Helsinki. Weekends in Venice, Paris and Amsterdam are on order, as well more time at The Backstreet. I have no idea where this year is taking me and the people around me, but I’m looking forward to it.
