It’s been over two years since I wrote anything of substance in this blog. The last time, I was in The Netherlands rubber shopping in Amsterdam.

I’m now writing this after spending 4 months in Europe – mainly the UK but after having spent time in Brussels, Berlin, Cardiff, London, Lancaster, Newcastle and Paris.

I want to focus on my time in Berlin because it’s there that something clicked for me. I’m still processing it and while I can’t put one finger on one single thing that’s caused a shift in my mindset, I will say it was good for my Leather soul and figuring out who I am in the Leather spectrum.

I nearly didn’t go to Berlin – My business trip was extended an extra week and as a result, I was staying over Easter weekend. Of course, if I’m staying in Europe over Easter weekend there’s only one city a kinky gay man should be in, and that’s Berlin.

I’ve known about Easter in Berlin for years. The story someone told me of a guy fucking saying, “It’s good to fuck at Easter”. I can vouch, that it’s true. *GRIN*

As I’ve written more recently in my Recon profile: I’ve come to Leather from a D/s perspective having spent time as a boy, slave; as well as as a Daddy and Sir. Looking to expand my horizons even more than they have in the past.

Where do I start with Berlin? I arrived Saturday morning after spending time in London with friends putting each other in a bondage sleep sack and teasing each other. A great start to a kinky weekend.

I spent time with one of my slave brothers, Joe, touring Schöneberg checking out the various gear and kink shops, and some of the bars. Wow, if I lived there and had the space, I truly would have an amazing dungeon. Seriously! So many fun toys and things to experiment with!

I ended up meeting a mate from Finland, someone I had been talking off and on with for two years, and we hung out at the Cigar social on Saturday, along with Joe and others. We also made plans to go to a big Rubber party on Sunday – my first.

The Cigar Party

Let’s talk about the Cigar party because this blew me away. I had gone back to my hotel to play with a friend from Toronto and then I started to get dressed. My original plan was to wear jeans, chaps, a tank top, and my Jobmasters. I had put the jeans and Jobmasters on forgetting that I wanted to tuck the chaps into the Jobmasters. I didn’t want to take the Jobmasters off to put the chaps on so I said fuck it, I’ll go as is.

I’ll be honest – I’m the one and only guy at the event who isn’t in full Leather. Everyone else has their full uniforms on – it’s freaking hot to see and I’m drooling.

The one thing I will say – nobody gave me attitude or shit for not being dressed up in full leathers. In fact, I got guys asking me about smoking a pipe because the other thing I was doing was smoking a pipe rather than a cigar.

You have no idea how much this meant to me. This was my first big Leather event in Europe. Not my first big Leather event, but I was certainly feeling a little out of my league. This was something I was very much looking forward to, and I admit, we do have some preconceived notions about Leather in Europe in North America.

Needless to say, I felt welcome.

Something else clicked about the event, and I’m still not sure what it was. Maybe it was being in the space with the right men at the right time. I didn’t sense any silly drama that I’ve observed at Leather events in North America. I didn’t pick up on any political agendas that you also certainly feel at events in the United States. I think it boiled down to people enjoying each other’s like minded company. The United Nations of Leather events?

I will note that the crowd was definitely older, which may also be part of the energy and vibe I was picking up on.

The Rubber Party

I was invited to go to the Rubber Party, being held at Lab.Oratory – I was already planning to go, although I really didn’t want to go alone, so this was perfect.I can be quite shy and bashful at times, so this was perfect.

Wow, what an experience. So many hot men, a hot space, amazing energy and anything goes.

I also didn’t feel like I was out of my league. I knew what I was getting into, even though the space is the most hardcore kink space I have ever been in; although it could be argued I’ve been in more hardcore spaces but in different ways.

From playing with my mate, to the hot German Rubber Bär I pounded, to the hot Daddy from LA that initiated a piss three way, to pissing on a couple making out below the piss area, I was in my element. This is the kind of pig space I’ve always wanted to experience.

It felt like a kinky version of home.

To Summarise

I didn’t know what to expect from Berlin, but I will say that it is now my most favourite city in Europe on so many levels. Sorry Amsterdam, you’re now second.

I went into my time in Europe wanting to experience a bunch of different things including:

• Picking up new gear, especially rubber – So far I’ve been picking up something new in each country from rubber to neoprene to leather
• Going to my first European Leather Bar
• Experiencing Leather and Kink weekends
• Making connections with other kinky people
• Learning some new play – whether it’s new experiences, whatever they may be, or new techniques

What I received in Berlin was a reset. I seem to have found a balance between the D/s world I’ve come from, balancing it with Fetish, and learning to play without the need for D/s. I’m dancing on a Venn diagram that I can take anywhere. I can be top, bottom, Sir, Daddy, boy – all of it. Some of it dependent on my mood and headspace, but I’m considerably more centred.

It’s what I needed and in many respects what I wanted.

It has transformed how I relate to fetish. For example, It let me take stock of the Leathers I put together during my title year as Eastern Canada Leather boy, and it’s made me realise what I actually have there, and got me thinking about where I want to take it.

It’s helped me to explore my interest in Rubber more, and has lead me further to explore Neoprene too.

I like to play – I think that’s a given, given who I am, and even the title I held, whether it’s within a D/s context or not. I might not talk a lot about the play I get into, but I do. I’ve noticed that I’m taking a renewed interest in new ways to play. Although, it also helps that I now have my own boy, as well some regular FWBs in Toronto.

I’m also starting to engage fellow Leathermen quite differently. I’m actually making new connections in Newcastle, Glasgow, London, and Manchester. I’m going to events in London, Manchester, Amsterdam and going to Folsom Europe in Berlin. Even in Canada, I’ve started to make some new connections.

Related to engaging with other Leathermen, after meeting Andrew in Newcastle, he suggested that I consider joining BLUF. I did a double take because honestly, I never considered myself BLUF material. However, Andrew is a man I’ve come to appreciate, respect, and he’s gorgeous. So, yeah BLUF 1862 is my member number.

I feel like I’ve found my Leather, kink and fetish home in Europe.

The next question for myself to answer is, how do I bring that vibe back to Canada and make a positive impact to my community here?

What a wild ride I feel like I’m on. Next up – London for Fetish Week, Glasgow for Mardi Gla and Leather Social; Berlin for Folsom Europe; Manchester Leather Weekend and Amsterdam Leather Pride.

A boy goes to Berlin and comes back a man?

It’s actually over one year – more like a year and four or five months since I started on Truvada.

I don’t really want to write about me today, what I want to write about is two things:

Someone seroconverting while taking PrEP properly was always a “when” not an “if” for me.  The case of someone seroconverting while taking PrEP properly that was reported this week at CROI (Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections), by my actual GP, Dr. David Knox. (Link is to the actual presentation which has a lot of great information.)

Previous research showed that the only people who seroconverted were those who were not taking the medication properly.  That would imply 100% effectiveness, but not quite.  We know that it’s possible for resistant genotypes of HIV to be transmitted to someone who is already positive, causing drug resistance.  We also didn’t know (and somewhat still don’t know) the percent effectiveness between someone who is positive and detectable versus positive and undetectable fucking a negative guy on PrEP.

What’s clear is

• If someone is positive and undetectable they cannot transmit HIV to someone.
• If someone is positive and not undetectable and not resistant to the medications in Truvada as PrEP, they’re unlikely to transmit HIV to someone but there is some risk.
• If someone is positive and not undetectable and resistant to the medications in Truvada as PrEP, it is very possible that they will transmit HIV to someone, it’s risky.

Some details from the presentation:

• The 43 year old was bottoming and was definitely neg prior to going on PrEP, had been on PrEP for 2 years, and has been shown to be taking his PrEP properly.
• The top was poz and had a genotype of HIV that was drug resistant to both components of Truvada.

That said, researchers are implying that the type of resistance to the active medical components of Truvada seen in this case is rare.

Still, this goes to show that no medication is a silver bullet, and anyone I’ve talked to has always said that.

1 in 40,000 – That’s 0.000025%.  5 years of people fucking while on PrEP – some using condoms, some not. That said, think of all those loads taken and given.  That’s a lot of ejaculate!  Not to make light of the situation, but seriously, the point is PrEP is still a highly effective means of prophylaxis against HIV.  The odds are very good right now.  Still, be aware of what’s going on and keep yourself up-to-date with info, what’s happening out there with drug resistance.

•  PrEP is still very effective.  They are still saying it is 99.8% effective against HIV.
• Anyone in the medical community looking at PrEP is saying, if you’re active get on it.
• This is a rare exception.  5 years of research and countless number of loads taken and given, where no one taking the medication seroconverted in many respects proves that PrEP is very effective.  There were people who did seroconvert, but it was shown that they were not taking their medication properly.
• There are currently around 44,000 people prescribed Truvada; this is one person of 44,000. Statistically, that is around 0.00002% which is of no statistical value, ask any statistician.
• The CDC (Center for Disease Control) still considers PrEP to be more effective than condom use.  Here is a great visual tool: https://wwwn.cdc.gov/hivrisk/index.html – I still maintain that if anyone is fucking around casually and using just condoms, get on PrEP too.

It’s been a month since I started PrEP, and really, not much to report, or so I think.

Let’s see:

• I am 100% compliant with my medication.  The closest ‘slip’ was nearly forgetting to take my pill this morning after a weekend up north with Master Chuck.
• It’s not difficult taking a pill every morning, and I don’t feel any anxiety around taking my medication.
• The clinic pharmacy was awesome in calling me to remind me to pick up my medication on December 29th.  It’s really nice having that reminder, and a clinic so proactive in having prescriptions ready.  I’m not sure how I’d deal with refills at my local pharmacy.  For now, and given I need to get blood work done every few months, I might as well stick with the hospital pharmacy for now.
• Given I am currently on a weight lost diet that has had some interesting effects as my body started to get used to it, I did feel the nausea that people often report when starting Truvada.  It only lasted for probably 4 days, max.  Since then, no side effects.
• No side effects since the first week (did I mention that?)
• Some people report having vivid dreams.  I know I’ve had my share of some interesting dreams in my lifetime, but I’m not sure the recent ones are a result of being on PrEP.  But hey, if so, bring them on.  I enjoy dreaming.  Ask me the one about the elevator ride.
• I’ve never been big on taking vitamins.  Horrible at it and would take them intermittently. I’m not on week two of taking vitamins at the same time.

So there you go.  I think that’s significant for someone who may be interested in my experiences on PrEP.

Why is #TruvadaWhore important to me?

As an activist, and as someone who does like, I would say, pushing the boundaries of sex, I like people making assumptions about what I may be into, and if they really want to start rumours based on me wearing a #TruvadaWhore t-shirt, then go right ahead.  What’s even better is when they come to me and ask me what it’s about, what PrEP is about, etc…

Here’s a great example of what I’m talking about:  Have any of you heard the story about Master Chuck being into gainer scenes?  This was a rumour started at a Leather Run one year.  The funny thing is, one of Master Chuck’s subs at the time literally lost half a man in weight, and my self as an example, lost 50lbs three years ago (and I’m re-working to lose the 60 lbs I gained unintentionally since then!).  Scott, my partner, at one point lost 100lbs. Between us, that’s two bears gone.

Bring on the assumptions.

The truth is, my activities have not changed just because I’m on PrEP, but I know that I’m covered.  It’s added protection that has been proven to work even in the early studies.

So far I’ve had two discussions about PrEP where I’ve had to work to counter perception:

• “Is PrEP the new party drug that guys in the village are taking?”/”I’m worried that it will lead to more guys barebacking”
  While it’s possible that some guys are looking at PrEP as an opportunity to bareback and I know some who do, most reports have suggested that guys on PrEP are potentially using condoms more in the near term.  It will be interesting to see what happens in the long term.
• “It doesn’t stop other STIs so why bother?”
  I think this is an important one to dispell.  The concept of “safe sex” versus “unsafe sex” really came out of HIV coming on the scene in the early 80s.  Now that said, there are other concerns out there, agreed.  Admittedly the concepts of PrEP and Undetectable viral load do make this a grey area.  And as I saw earlier today, a quote from someone that said, that anyone who said they would not rejoice if there was a discovery in the 80s where a pill could stop HIV.  They’d be rejoicing.
  Hepatitis C and antibiotic resistant STIs come to mind as a concern that I have.  Thankfully there are medications that help with Hepatitis C, but they are expensive, possibly more cost prohibitive.  There is research that rates of antibiotic resistant STIs are falling.  Still, to me, this doesn’t give anyone a carte blanche to bareback.
  That said, I will counter that if you are on PrEP you do have to go in and get your STI checks done.  Meaning that STIs are caught earlier, and not spread as far.
  So this is my argument for using condoms.  But if you could contribute to stopping HIV in it’s tracks, why wouldn’t you?

There are other arguments I’ve also heard, and I was once a nay sayer as well.  The proof is in the studies that have occurred and are still to be completed.  The key thing is making sure you read the reports and truly understand what the percentages represent, the sample size, etc…

I am still happy I did this.

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything – more than half a year.  Admittedly, I’ve not had much inspiration to write recently.  Leather-life-wise, Sir and I have not had the chance to spend much time together and with both of our jobs being very busy, setting up for intense scenes and such has been lower on the priority list than just spending time together.  That’s life.  While the leather is in our hearts, life happens.

That said, I’ve been following the debates and research on PrEP.  Face it, I have a reasonably high sex drive and I like getting out there and having a good time whether I’m at home or on the road.  I’m not shy to say that I like my bath house and public sex action.  That’s me and what gets me hard.  I’m a pig at heart, and the reality is that I play with guys who are negative, positive, undetectable and somewhere in-between.

Earlier this year I went in to see my doctor after 3 years of going without.  I have a new doctor as my previous doctor is now out in Vancouver.  This doesn’t mean I’ve not looked after my STI checks and such.  I like going to Hassle Free Clinic for that.  It’s kind of tradition, it’s home, it’s where my tribe go to get checked out.  Yeah I could go to a nameless blood testing lab – and I’ve had some great experiences with them, as well as some awful.  It just feels right to me going to Hassle Free Clinic.

On my list among other things to go through with my new doctor was PrEP.  We had a good chat about my practices and such, and he referred me to Dr. Isaac Bogoch at the Immunodeficiency Clinic at Toronto General Hospital.  The link there is to a talk he did at a TEDx in Stouffville.

What a fantastic clinic.  Everyone I met was awesome.  Dr. Bogoch is so personable and with his bedside (office-side?) manner, it was easy to open up to him.  He was also impressed by my GP’s thoroughness in all the tests.  Dr. Bogoch was more than happy to provide me with a prescription for Truvada after checking everything out.

So that was two hurdles, of sorts, to get through.  Not that it was difficult, but none the less, had to get over them.  The next step was getting the prescription and wondering if my insurance through work would cover it.  I did ask Dr. Bogoch if he’s heard problems about it being covered by insurance, and he literally said that he had not heard of anyone not being covered.

Truvada is, for a one month supply, $967.22 with an $11.99 fee if dispensed at Toronto General at the Immunodeficiency Clinic. Seeing Patient Pays: $0.00 on the receipt gives me new hope that more people who choose to go down the route of using PrEP to enhance their protection and the protection of others, will do so.

PrEP is a total mind fuck for those of us who grew up in the period of so many of our brothers and sisters dying from HIV.  The message has been consistently, “Use condoms”.

The thought of being covered by up to 99% if having unprotected sex with someone who is undetectable is huge in the world of harm reduction.  Stats say PrEP reduces the chance of contracting HIV to 92% to 100%; being undetectable reduces the chance of contracting HIV to 97% or so conservatively.  While research has been done on people who are not detectable, the jury is still out on the degree to which the risk is reduced.

So why am I choosing to use PrEP as part of my personal harm reduction strategy?  Well, I do play in bath houses a fair bit although admitedly how often I go has dropped, I do have regular fuck buddies that I do play with, I play a lot on the road when I can, and I am definitely playing with people who do not know their status, are undetectable or otherwise positive.

For the things I do (primarily oral and fucking as a top with condoms), at one level I’m pretty low risk.  That’s not no risk, but low risk meaning there is some risk.  With specific close partners, there are things that we are doing that are riskier, and given between myself and one of my partners, we’re probably equal in the amount of action we get on the road, so why wouldn’t I do my part in “getting to zero” meaning – let’s do what we can to eradicate this virus.

The other thing I questioned myself on was, I was playing at bath houses between 1996 and later, at a point before the current generation of ARVs, and I got to my 40s without becoming positive, why bother with PrEP?  Well, I admit, I was picking and choosing my activities, wasn’t swallowing, etc.  These days, I admit I am being less picky and have gone out to be a cum swallowing pig at the baths.  Yes, my risk has increased.  I’m not always at ease with that, but I will say that being on PrEP does put me at ease that a low risk activity is now even lower.

Again, it protects me, and it protects my partners.  And if that makes me a #TruvadaWhore, then so be it.  The stigma doesn’t hurt me, it challenges me to push back on the stigma and be out there.

Me being open about this allows me to open the eyes of people, but in particular those of us in Canada.  PrEP is not approved, yet, by Heath Canada as a preventative but doctors are free to prescribe it for prevention.  This needs to change and it will be changing, let’s hope sooner rather than later.

PrEP does not protect you from other STIs that are out there.  Syphilis, Hepatitis C, and antibiotic resistant strains of STIs are a major issue in this and any other big city.  You still have to be careful.

I plan on writing a bit more about my experience in PrEP.  Specifically any side effects and such that I am feeling, possibly ethical questions that come to mind, and challenges to stigma.

For now, daily PrEP and Condoms are the new norms.  I am happy about this.

Here a few handy resources:

• truvadawhore.com
• Seven deceptive myths against PrEP 
• Six Lessons for Health Departments Using PrEP as an HIV Prevention Tool
• My slutty irresponsible 2014: Why I asked for PrEP in 2013

To quote this article briefly:

Undetectable Partner

– If one partner is HIV positive and is undetectable on medication (viral load <40 copies/mL on some tests and <20 copies/mL on others), then the chance of passing HIV is reduced by 97% or so (conservatively).

–  If the negative partner is on PrEP, and taking the medications reliably, then that person’s risk of acquiring HIV is reduced by, let’s say, 92% to 100% according to various studies. (Just using PrEP)

– With these reductions in risk (97% and then 95%), the risk becomes something like 1 out of 50,000 encounters. If we use a 99% figure for PrEP, we’re looking at 1 per 250,000 episodes.

Both Partners Negative, Both on PrEP

– If both partners are negative and on PrEP, then both are being seen by medical providers. And if those providers are following protocol, then the patients are getting tested every three months for HIV and STIs and taking their meds and should reliably be negative. 

Both Partners Say They’re Negative, One on PrEP

– If you are the person on PrEP, you need to ask yourself how well you know the other person. Do you trust that the person is really negative? Do you know when the individual last got tested? Do you know the individual’s sexual history? And finally, are you comfortable enough with what you know and with Truvada’s ability to prevent HIV infection to not use a condom with this person? A more difficult choice to be sure, but one where knowledge of your partner can help to reduce risk.

The Unknown Partner Scenario

To those who say they would use a condom, I say that is the way they then need to handle every unknown hookup.

For those who say they would still have unprotected sex, I first say that I hope that PrEP will be as effective in this scenario as it was in studies overall. I then caution them that the data we have from studies have not proven that is true. The studies of PrEP have not looked at the HIV status and viral load levels of every partner of the study participants. We cannot say for sure that PrEP will work as well overall if one is constantly encountering partners with very high HIV viral loads. That is not to say for sure that it won’twork, but we just don’t know. People who are on PrEP and not using condoms with strangers are, in fact, experimenting with their own bodies. I am not saying that they are wrong or stupid or ill-informed, but they need to be aware that we do not know for sure that this will be safe.

Call for contestants for Central Canada Community Bootblack
CCCB 2014 is open to bootblacks who are residents of Ontario

(Toronto, Ontario, CA) — Contestant registration is now open for the Central Canada Community Bootblack (CCCB) contest. The CCCB 2014 is open to bootblacks who are residents of Ontario.

CCCB 2014 will take place during the Central Canada LeatherSIR / Leatherboy (CCLSb) 2014 contest weekend, which take place the Easter holiday weekend in April.

The weekend will feature seven events between the evening of Thursday, April 17 and the afternoon of Sunday, April 20. A complete roster will be posted at www.LeatherSirCanada.com.

For more information or to receive a contestant application for CCCB, please email contestinfo@leathersircanada.com

Steamworks Baths Toronto (www.SteamworksBaths.com) is the Presenting Sponsor and official bathhouse for CCLSb / CCCB 2014. Community Partners confirmed to date include Club120 (http://www.Club120.ca), Spearhead Toronto (www.SpearheadToronto.com), Churchmouse & Firkin (www.FirkinPubs.com/pubs/Churchmouse-and-Firkin), Black Eagle Toronto (http://www.BlackEagleToronto.com) and CLAW (www.clawinfo.org).

In January, the former Eastern Canada LeatherSIR / Leatherboy contest region that had existed since 2003 was reorganized to create three new regions — Central Canada, Quebec and Atlantic Canada. CCLSb and CCCB are produced by Brandon Matheson (Eastern Canada LeatherSIR 2004) and Dan Falkenham (Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2004), who have produced the Eastern Canada contest since 2005.

For more information about CCCB and CCLSb weekend, visit www.LeatherSirCanada.com.

Congratulations to…

• Thug Rocco – Eastern Canada LeatherSIR 2012 & boy alex – Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2012 on their year together.  Title years are not easy, especially when you live in completely different cities, you have work and school commitments that don’t allow you to do probably as much as you would have loved to.  Still, you did what you could.  Hats off to both of you.
• Master R – Eastern Canada LeatherSIR 2013 & boy dominic – Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2013 on their up and coming title year!  Master R – I’ve had the chance to work with you during Crude 2011 – thank You for Your assistance at that time, and if there is anything I can do for You during Your title year, please let me know.  Dominic – Welcome to your title year!  If there is anything I can do for you during the year, please let me know!
• Jon and Gary – Congratulations on your run this year for the titles.  Watching both of you on stage, I know it would have been tough to choose and to judge!  I would love to see you both back on stage in the future.
• Sir Marc & Family – Congratulations on the Community Builder Award.  You and the family have stepped up to the plate, often being behind the scenes as Brandon said.  Very much deserved!