I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at pictures between 2010 and 2011, and particularly around the time of ILSb in San Francisco when Master Chuck and I completed.

What I’m not sure anyone from my title class realizes is that I lost a whole bunch of weight starting in January 2010.  I had hit 306lbs – the maximum I had ever weight in my life, and the second time I had hit over 300lbs.

The first time I hit 300, I got myself to hovering regularly between 278 and 285.  This is what I looked like when I was 285lbs at a Rams Run:

This is what I looked like at ILSb hovering around 262lbs.

Between the pressures of 2011 and with all the travel I did in 2012, some depression issues I had after my first trip to Uruguay, and generally being exhausted, I’ve not been working out and while I’ve not paid detailed attention to what I’ve been eating, I’ve been somewhat cognizant of what I have been eating.

I’ve not stepped on a scale for about, oh, I think 14 months since I hit that 259lbs – my lightest in 16 years – at my doctor’s office.

I stepped on a scale tonight at the gym – and I sure as heck hope that it’s completely wrong.  It read 294lbs.

I look nothing like that 285lb man in the picture above – definitely smaller; and I’m definitely not the 262lb man in the second picture – definitely bigger.  I figured I was about 275lbs – and that may still be true. The gym will definitely hear it if that scale is that far off.

I would say most of the weight has happened since I got back from Uruguay – looking at pictures from Uruguay, I was definitely smaller, and the jeans I have been wearing this week were considerably looser.

Either way, I want to get this under control:

• I will go and find another scale to weigh myself on just to really be sure
• I figure it’s about time I switched gyms.  I like the pool at my current gym, but I really dislike the crowded space of the equipment on the gym room floor. Also while the cruising is hot at that gym, it’s distracting me from what is truly important.  Sad to say, but it’s true…
• My back issues that have been hounding me for the past year since my trip to Nicaragua, and even the chronic pain I’ve dealt with for years seems to be mostly under control.
• The depression and self loathing, while not totally a thing of the past, is not as strong as it was.
• I’m going to look into personal training.
• I want that confidence in how I looked and felt during the summer of 2011

Good news is, I’m back swimming, I’ve checked out the new gym and I have a food programme that worked for me in the past.

So what does this have to do with Leather?  Well…

• It’s true my leathers are pretty tight on me, so either way, if I want to fit back into my leathers properly, I’ve got work to do.  I spent more than enough of my earnings on those.  I need to respect myself that way.
  
• My being a healthy boy means that my Sir can push me harder.  YUM!
• My being a healthy Sir (I do switch, and I am courting a boy and a cub currently), means that I can do a lot more with my boys.
• I have a whole wardrobe of clothes that I want to fit in to again, and some new pieces

And looking at a pic from this week versus July.. you know, maybe 30lbs is possible.  WOW.

Anyway – let’s see where I am by May.

This weekend, in Toronto, we have lots of mens BDSM play events for you to attend:

Androphilia
2nd Saturday of every month – Saturday, December 8
Subspace Dungeon Studio; 7 Fraser Ave, Toronto, ON
Pre registration is required:  androphilia@2circle.org.  Cutoff time is 8pm.

Rough House @ Steamworks
540 Church Street, Level 2
Sunday, December 9, 3-8pm

Both events are great – check them out !

Below is a copy of my Pantheon Canadian Community Award acceptance speech as given today at the first Toronto Puppy Contest.  Much thanks to Toronto Leather Pride for the chance to be heard today.

And congratulations to

• Patty McKibbon – Volunteer of the Year
• Master Tony Palazzo – Man of the Year
• Carlyle Jansen – Woman of the Year
• Jake English – David Galbraith Award
• Pup Ego (as in alter ego) on winning the first Toronto Puppy title, making history today!
• Digger on winning Showmanship!
• To my husband, Master Scott, for his first time judging a contest!

It’s been a while since all of you have seen me.   I’m not hiding!  you could say I won an all expenses work trip to one of the most boring cities in the world – 3x; a bout of pinkeye kept me away from TLP. this year and I was showing up in Chicago a few months early or late for IML.  Unfortunately Canada is not seeing much of me this year.

 

But I am here and as always, I take the time to be a face of Canada, Canadian Leather and Leather wherever I travel.  It’s something that was engrained in me as a young man, wherever I traveled, I am that representative of my culture – and it holds true today as a Leatherman, as a Titleholder, even if former.  There is always an opportunity to represent, educate and be that face of whatever Leather is to you.

 

I’m going to quote International LeatherSIR 2011, Sir Alan Penrod, or at least paraphrase, from his speech from Pantheon a month and a bit ago:  “No one can do this without others”.

 

We need the support of those who are our mentors  – those who support us and  those we support, in our community, even the broader community who ever that may be.   If you think otherwise, you have a lot to learn my friend.  And believe me, there was once a time in my life where i discounted that fact, thankfully I’m over that.

 

If you are here to do nothing but criticize without providing options and potential solutions – and I have seen that a lot in before, during and after my title year with Master Chuck – how about directing your energy toward partnership and setup that event that you’re complaining about that might be missing or could use some tweaks.  Don’t forget, most of us are volunteers and I can guarantee you those efforts would be accepted with open arms.

 

I want to thank you – my community and Leather family for being my support and to those who felt I should be honoured with the Pantheon of Leather Canadian Community Award.  I appreciate that – a lot!   That said, I look at it as a community that has raised this boy well and as such, given it is the Canadian Community Award, I wish to accept this a totem that honours all  of you who have impacted me over the past 8 years.

 

Thank you.

Last weekend I ended up going to The Eagle here in Toronto and was hoping to hook up with someone I’ve not had a chance to see nor play with for about two years.  Unfortunately car troubles made me about 45 minutes late and despite my efforts to communicate and provide updates, I ended up missing my chance.  His loss.

And my gain in some respects – I ended up seeing someone that I have wanted to hook up with for several years now, and he totally turns my crank.  Masculine, a big Bear of a man, loves his gear,  and hits on several other turn ons that, for whatever reason, work for me.

It was rubber night, and this man I would not only call a Leatherman but he identifies as a Rubberman and after seeing his toys and what he likes in gear, I would definitely say he’s a Rubberman.  A classic man of kink, if you will.

Sadly, despite the fact he had rubber boots on, and a very nice set of thick industrial rubber gloves on, he was denied from entering into the are closed off for rubber.

I totally get and I understand that during a Leather or Rubber night, organizers are trying to make a specific space and atmosphere.  I totally get it.

But honestly, I’m kind of tired of stand-and-model at the bar.  I’d love to see more play going on of some sort, and while I’m not advocating for a more lenient open space in this case, somehow I’d like to see how we can look at those in the community who are going to add something to the space rather than take away from it and invite them in.  In this case, I feel the Daddy i was with would have totally added to the space – just as we did in the backroom when I was licking his hot and tasty rubber boots.

I do question, what can we do to open the space up to the right people who are going to add to it, rather than just creating a space for a fashion show?  Don’t get me wrong, I think a man dressed in full leather or rubber is hot.  Maybe we’re just seeing a but too much of it at our events?

I know I was guilty the other weekend at Rough House.  It’s been ages since I have been able to get in my full leathers – chaps, harness, vest, Jobmasters – I realized it was actually too much and ended up stripping down.

Looking at old copies of Drummer, a lot of the men I’m seeing in those magazines are wearing denim jeans, some chaps, t-shirts or flannel shirts, a leather vest; or shirtless with a harness, maybe a Muir Cap… You don’t see the fully decked out leather trousers and men dressed to the nines as you see today.

This mimicked what I grew up with as I was coming out in Ottawa and Toronto.

I think back to how Master Chuck and I have played in our past and still do play – a simple vest and boots is all we really need – if that.  Looking at the man I hooked up with on the weekend, and others that I get super turned on by – sometimes being simpler can be more effective.

Some of the more rubber oriented scenes I’ve been part of – while some have been more what I would call more fetish-rubber based, the hotter scenes have been much more gear-based.

I think one part of the answer may be to have a Work Gear night at the Eagle.  This can cover so things – Leather (brown and black), work gear (Carhartts – YUM!), work boots (brown and black), denim… It’s definitely something to consider.

Now I’m hard thinking about brown construction boots and thick industrial rubber gloves that make me cum hard and quick.  Time to find my tit clamps… *GRIN*

Four days of events planned; ‘regional themes’ for fantasy scenes dropped

(Toronto) — Organizers of the Eastern Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy contest today announced the repositioning of the contest weekend from February to Easter Weekend in 2013. The contest weekend will take place in Toronto from Thursday, March 28 through Sunday, March 31, 2013.

The Eastern Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy contests will be held on Saturday, March 30. A special edition of the Rough House BDSM dungeon party will be held on Sunday, March 31. Additional events that will be held Thursday night through Sunday will be announced in coming weeks.

Also announced is the elimination of the mandatory ‘regional theme’ that contestants were required to incorporate into their on stage fantasy scene. ECLSb 2013 contestants may use any theme of their choosing, as long as the fantasy scene highlights the range of their BDSM play skills. Fantasy themes have been removed at the international competition level as well.

Winners of the 2013 Eastern Canada LeatherSIR and Leatherboy titles will perform a BDSM demo at Rough House, the day following the contest.
LeatherSIR/Leatherboy are “player’s titles,” erotic titles representing the sexual side of gay leather men. The primary goal of ECLSb is networking and outreach, to help educate the community about leather men, our erotic expression, traditions and history — and of course, BDSM play and hot leather sex!

ECLSb contestants will be judged in four categories: Interview; Speech & Formal Image; Jock strap; and Leather Sex Fantasy. The contestant’s interview portion will take place in private with the judges prior to the contest; the three remaining categories take place on stage during the contest. The fantasy portion is what sets the ECLSb contest apart from many other contests styled after the International Mr. Leather and Mid-Atlantic Leather formats.

The ECLSb contests are open to leathermen and leatherboys who are residents of Ontario, Quebec and Atlantic Canada. Note, this is not a couples contest; contestants compete individually for each title. Winners of ECLSb 2013 will advance to compete at the International LeatherSIR/Leatherboy 2013 contest, to be held Labour Day weekend in Dallas, Texas.

Since 2005, Eastern Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy contest weekend has been produced by Brandon Matheson (Eastern Canada LeatherSIR 2004) and Dan Falkenham (Eastern Canada Leatherboy 2004).

Additional information about the ECLSb 2013 contest weekend and a complete schedule of events will be announced in the weeks ahead.

For more information, contact Brandon@LeatherSirCanada.com or visit http://www.LeatherSirCanada.com.

For more information about Rough House, visit http://www.RoughHouse.ca.

Follow ECLSb on Twitter: @eclsb

Six parties planned between September & March

(Toronto) — Organizers of Rough House, the popular gay men’s BDSM dungeon party held in Toronto, today announced event dates for the 2012-2013 season, which will run September through March.

All Rough House events are held on a Sunday afternoon, from 1pm to 5pm. Admission is $10. Rough House will take place: September 23, October 14, November 18, January 27, February 24 and March 31. (March 31 will be the first Rough House event held as part of the Eastern Canada LeatherSIR/Leatherboy contest weekend.)

Rough House is well established at Goodhandy’s (2nd floor, 120 Richmond St, Toronto; Richmond & Church), where the event has been held since 2009. As of September 1, Goodhandy’s will be changing its name to Club 120 and the bar will undergo some programming changes, however that will not affect holding Rough House at the venue.

Who is Rough House for? Rough House is not a pansexual event, neither by design nor goals. Rough House was created as a BDSM space for gay leather men to foster play, sexual networking and education. Leather dykes show up at each event and are always welcome — but Rough House is decidedly targeted as BDSM space for gay leathermen and other leatherfolk that enjoy a male-focused environment. For more information, consult the About Us section at www.RoughHouse.ca.

What happens at Rough House varies event to event, depending on attendees. Play often includes pumping, saline, watersports, bondage, flogging/single-tail, CBT, percussion play, electro and fisting, and public play. Check out photo galleries on the Rough House website to see examples of the play. A more detailed description of demos and invited special guests for each event is published on the website closer to the event date.

With help from a dedicated roster of volunteers that make the event possible, Rough House is produced by Brandon Matheson and Dan Falkenham.

For more information, visit http://www.RoughHouse.ca

Follow Rough House on Twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/RoughHouseCA

This week!  SLAG Men Run in Northern Ontario!  Check out the site at SLAGmen.ca!

One day left to register!

This year, it’s Aug. 16 to 23, 2012 — Thursday to Thursday.  We have 4 large cabins, that sleep up to 24 men , with single and double beds.  You can come for the full week, just the weekend, or whatever combo you want.  Cost is $140 for the weekend, or $320 for the full week – which is a great deal, considering it includes the camp site, all meals, and space in a cabin with bedding provided.

There’s propane fridges and stoves, full running water, showers, and lights in the cabins.  There is no electricity, but arrangements can be made for anyone with CPAP or other electrical needs. More details about the run facilities here.

Its going to be a great weekend of brotherhood and of course much play. Come join us. For more information or to register click here.

To download our run application please click here.

To purchase you run package with Pay Pal click here.

Thank you HOTFF/TLP!!! This is ground breaking and going to be an amazing night for Women and Transfolk in our community! This is huge!!

http://torontoleatherpride.ca/2012/08/further-surge-women-and-trans-bar-night-update/

Further Surge Women and Trans Bar Night Update

So today, I got a lesson in Gender Politics.  It something I know I’ve needed to learn a bit more about, and now seems the right time.

I digress.

Following up to my post from this morning we’ve had a few developments:

• First we have someone who did write TLP worried about their policy for the Surge party.  I applaud you Heather for standing by your beliefs.  While we may disagree on points, I do salute and respect you as a Leatherwoman.
• We have a new press release from TLP that says they were threatened via “Not-For-Profit Corporation Act”.
• There is a meeting for Community Response to Surge Press Release.
• And we have a whole bunch of angry people on Fetlife.

Before I get started, I will say that I will probably offend somebody, everyone, possibly nobody in this blog post.  As far as I am concerned, I am doing my best to understand and share my thoughts on a VERY complex topic.  If I offend you, please don’t just dismiss me because I’m a white privileged fat gay Leatherman.

Firstly, and I have said this many times – I believe in multiple kinds of spaces.  I believe that we need our own spaces, to be with our own kind.  I also believe we need spaces where we can be all together and variances in between.  Why can’t we have spaces for men, women and combined spaces?  Why do men want their man caves?  Is it such a bad thing?

I do not believe it is a bad thing in fact, quite the opposite – quite healthy.

Let me talk binary for a second – In a play sense, in a men-only space, guys can let go and be how they want to be.  In women’s space, I know it would be the same thing.  Add men into women’s space, and the dynamic changes.  Add women into male space and the dynamic changes.  Add transpeople to space and it’s the same thing – the dynamic changes.  I’m not saying that this is necessarily bad or good, it just changes.

If you’re looking for a particular dynamic, you want that particular dynamic.

Do I really need to say that for some people, mixing dynamics just doesn’t work or doesn’t work in a particular moment?  It’s like, if I want to be in “Bearspace”, I don’t necessarily want some nelly Twinky Queeny guy around commenting that my boots aren’t Prada.  I want big masculine furry men fucking my ass, or a few furry asses to fuck.  Is that too hard to ask?  Yes, I am being exclusionary because that is what I need and want.

That’s what we have here.

Face it, if you think the mythical Gay Unicorn Leatherman is difficult to find, you should try finding Leatherwomen and Leatherdykes.  Okay, I’ve found a few, quite a few, and there are some phenomenal women and trans leaders in our community.  That said, considering the Leatherwomen’s community has had little support in Toronto, and there has been little support over the past few years until now… And even now someone is giving women and transfolk, again, the short end of the stick.  Do I really need to remind everyone of the Pussy Palace Raids in 2000?

Men do I need to remind you of the Operation Soap raids of 1981?  Same shit, different shovel.

Alright, so getting back to the matter at hand, the party had the following disclaimer:

“Open to Women and Trans People Only – Part of the TLP 2012 Weekend. For the purpose of this event, “Trans Persons” are considered as those who live 24/7 as the gender for which they identify. All others are welcome to attend the Fetish Party that begins at 11pm.” 

Okay, so I agree that that may be a bit too binary.  It does technically exclude people who are transitioning or starting their journeys as transgendered.  I don’t believe that was the intention or spirit, and mistakes happen.

Knowing some of the organizers have attended the Pleasure Palace Toronto (aka Pussy Palace), I’m surprised the policy wasn’t similar to the following:

“A Queer Women and Trans Bathhouse
PS No cis* men please
*Cis refers to those whose gender identity matches their biological sex”

Based on what Heather was requesting, in her blog and letter to TLP, I think the above definition would work and also allow androgynous, genderqueer, genderfluid, and genderfucked folk to attend.

I can think of some people who might identify in one of those boxes – but I don’t truly know for sure if that is how they identify; who would be allowed to attend with that policy.  I also know they would be allowed in to the event with the original policy as well on a case by case basis – not that the bouncer is going to be that strict, most likely.

The argument around Cross Dressing and Transvestites that has come up?  Well, do they live their lives as women 24/7?  Most as far as I know do not and are still technically cis-males.  Given this event is supposed to be a women and transgendered event… To quote boi jen from Florida: “The reality is that the space is created as a safe space for those who *live* outside of that norm. Not folks who indulge in a fetish of dress up and then get to go back to heir safe little boxes at the end of the night.”  And in many respects, I suspect most would not want to go to a Leather event anyway and those who do, would probably be respectful.

Why do we need to have all-inclusive spaces, all the time, for every event we do?  The answer is, we don’t.

I will be honest, I do not support Toronto Leather Pride in completely opening up what is supposed and should be a women and transgendered event to everyone.  That space needs to remain closed to cis-men for one night.  At the same time, whoever is stirring this shit up and threatening needs to grow up.  I also believe that HOTFF should have pushed back on the calls for legal action to use a quote from Twitter: “tedious short-sighted identity politics are often politically unsophisticated & detrimental on larger scale.”.

That said, I said it earlier today while I am not affiliated with Toronto Leather Pride or Heart of the Flag Productions, I appreciate what the organization does to setup events for the Leather community whether we identify as Gay, Lesbian, Trans, Queer, Pan or Straight.

For the Leathermen who read my blog and read this entry, I propose we respect the spirit of the event and support women and transgendered folk in our community.  They’ve earned the space a long time ago – don’t forget who looked after gay men as they were dying in the 80s and 90s.  They shouldn’t have to work so hard to claim their rightful spot.  Men – let’s choose not to enter into what was going to be considered the women & trans-only space, let’s drink and salute our women and transgendered brothers and sisters, after all we have ample enough space.  They need our support.

To those women, transfolks, and however you identify – I hope you will come to the Eagle and claim your rightful space by our side in however that space develops and I pity the man who dares to give you attitude or say you do not belong, when clearly you do belong.

If you have a problem with a potentially ‘exclusive’ event and you want to setup an event that is more open – then show leadership and set it up.  I’d be more than happy to support you.  Don’t pull the legal card – it doesn’t help you nor the greater community.  And if the individual or individuals are from the Pan community as called out by the original press release, then to the enlightened members of the Pan community, you have a duty to stand up and call those individuals on their shit because they are causing a rift – much like I continue to stand up to people when they use broad strokes against the pan community.

It’s easy to criticize, it’s harder to act.